Why Being A Perfectionist Is Holding You Back
Hands up if this sounds like you. You work really hard to make sure things are just right, whether that’s at work, at home, or with your family. You probably get a lot of praise from your colleagues and friends for how great that report was that you did at work, or how amazing those Christmas decorations look. But, you’re either constantly behind and feeling like there’s not enough time, or you are constantly stressed because you feel like you’re not doing enough. Sound familiar? You my friend might be a perfectionist.
Like most of our qualities sometimes being a perfectionist can be helpful. It can make us really successful sometimes. Like if we’re really focused on details and making sure everything’s perfect we are probably turning in really high quality work. Unfortunately, when we tend to want everything to be perfect all the time this can really slow us down both physically and mentally. If I’m putting in 110% all the time that means everything I do is going to take a bit longer, and everything I do is taking a bit more energy. Makes sense that I feel stressed, overwhelmed, and tired all the time, right?
Often when we are holding really high standards for ourselves and letting our inner perfectionist out we actually end up making ourselves more stressed and feeling more guilty. If I need everything to be perfect, that takes extra time, so I end up behind in other areas (no it’s not reasonable to have 100 things on our to-do list every day and expect them all to be done perfectly), or I let other things slide (like my health). Perfectionism can also lead to procrastination. If everything needs to be done perfectly, sometimes we just avoid starting the task because we fear we aren’t going to get it done. This leads to procrastination. Unfortunately this just makes us more stressed in the long run because we end up with tight deadlines and rushing to complete tasks.
If this is sounding like you you’re not alone. I see this a lot in particular in working moms (myself included). Something that I am using that is helping me fight the perfectionism and get more done is my new mantra “Done Is Better Than Perfect”. If the choice is between spending hours and hours on something to make it perfect so it never actually gets done, or just finishing the project even if it’s not 100% perfect, done is usually the best option.
Think about an example. Say I want to prepare a brilliant five course meal for Christmas dinner for my family. I’ve been spending hours in the kitchen and I just can’t get the potatoes right. I keep having to restart but each time they come out slightly off, not perfect. At the end of the day is my family going to be happier with potatoes that might not be perfect but they’re there, or no potatoes at all because I obsessed about them being perfect for so long I didn’t get them finished? My family just wants the potatoes. Say it again. Done Is Better Than Perfect!
If you find that you’re feeling overwhelmed and like you just can’t get everything done, or you’re beating yourself up because you feel like you’re not doing enough ask yourself this: is done better than perfect? If the answer is yes (and 99% of the time the answer is yes I promise) finish the task, get it off your plate, and move on to the next thing. You will get way more done in a day with way less stress.
If you want some more of my tips on how to manage stress check out this worksheet I put together with some of my tips on how to recognize signs of stress and what to do about them.