Four Words To Banish From Your Vocabulary
Hands up if this situation sounds familiar. Something doesn’t go according to plans and you start beating yourself up over it. Maybe you made a mistake at work, or said something you wish you hadn’t when you were frustrated, or had to stay late at work and were a few minutes late for dinner, or whatever it was that started the hamster wheel in the brain towards self-doubt and guilt. We’ve all been there. Something didn’t go the way we hoped and we blame ourselves, often incorrectly. I mean seriously ladies (and gents), isn’t it weird that we think we have the power to control the entire world and therefore when things go wrong it’s definitely our fault? Like I should have known that there was going to be a last minute emergency at work so I’d have to stay late, and then there would be construction on the way home, and then it would be all my fault that I didn’t get dinner ready on time. Right?
When our brains start down this path of negative thinking there are certain words that pop up and keep the hamster wheel of negativity going. Here are four words to watch out for. When you catch yourself using these (whether out loud or when you’re beating yourself up) stop. Then ask yourself if what you are thinking is really true. Here’s what I mean.
Always – As in “I always mess up”, or “I’m always going to be broke”, or “I’m always going to be single”. The problem with these types of thoughts is they focus on the extreme, and they take away our brain’s sense of control. How can I possibly do anything to change my life if I believe things are “always” going to be this way? And chances are these thoughts aren’t true, it’s just that negative hamster wheel spinning.
Never – “I’ll never be as good a mom as that person”, or “I am never going to be smart enough”, or “I’m never going to be good enough”. Same problem as #1. When we see the world in extremes it can be really tough on our brains. I’m either good or bad, successful or a failure, loved or unlovable. There’s no room for the grey area in between. But the grey area is where we grow. The grey is where hope and change thrive. Live in the grey! Avoid the trap of seeing the world as black or white.
Can’t –Every time we say we can’t do something, we are taking control away from our brains. Our brains hate this! It totally zaps our motivation and confidence. Instead of “I can’t” I challenge you to say “I won’t”. Instead of I can’t get to the gym today, say I won’t get to the gym today because it’s not a priority. It’s a small difference but using won’t instead of can’t puts us back in control. With “I won’t” I’m making a choice. I’m choosing not to go to the gym, so I’m less likely to feel guilty about it, and actually more likely to go the next time. I did a Facebook live about this a couple weeks ago. Check out the link here to hear more.
Should – As in “I should be more successful”, “I should be going to the gym”. This one is the worst in my opinion. All playing the game of should’s does is make us feel guilty. I’m not doing enough, I’m not good enough. If you’re going to pick one word on this list to banish from your vocabulary let this one be it!
For the next week pay attention to every time you say Always, Never, Can’t or Should. Same goes for when you think those words. How do you feel in those moments? I’m guessing not very good about yourself. So maybe it’s time to banish those words from your vocabulary.