It’s time to move on. Why it’s time to let go of that grudge.
“It’s time to move on, time to get going”. Wise words from the great Tom Petty. This week I want to share why I think holding a grudge only holds us back. Let me start with a story.
A little while ago I found out that an acquaintance was mad at me. The only reason I found out was because a mutual friend told me this person had been talking smack about me for weeks. From what I could gather, it seemed like she was mad because I hadn’t contacted her in a while, and this resentment was building to the point where every time our mutual friend saw her she would complain about me. So for months this person held a grudge against me but never actually told me, so I didn’t know she was mad! Who was that hurting? Definitely not me, the person she was mad at, because I didn’t even know about it!
Here’s the problem with holding a grudge. It often happens just like my story. The person who is angry and is holding the grudge is sitting stewing about how mad they are at the other person, but the other person doesn’t even know they’re mad.
Usually when we hold a grudge it’s because someone has done something that pissed us off. Fair enough. It happens. But, if I’m sitting at home fuming because I’m so choked that someone did me wrong, all that’s doing is building up anger inside me, I’m getting bitter and resentful, and nothing is changing. But it can be hard to let go because we feel hurt. Something someone did upset us, and we’re mad as a result.
In these situations we have three choices. Choice #1 = We can talk to the person that upset us and see if we can resolve the situation. Most of us avoid this option though because we don’t want to deal with conflict. We don’t actually want to confront the person because we’re worried it will make us feel worse.
So we fall into Choice #2 = We sit and hold a grudge. I know you’ve heard me talk about this before but we only have so many mental resources available in a day. If I am holding onto a grudge or holding onto something that out of my control I am using up a lot of valuable brain resources. It’s burning my energy so I’m not spending time on things that actually make me happy.
This leaves us with Choice #3 = Let it go. I know what you’re thinking right now. Okay crazy lady how to I just let go of this horrible thing someone did to me? Well let me ask you this. Is it making you feel good to hold the grudge? Is it fixing the situation? Is it making your life better by holding this grudge? I’m guessing you answered NO to all of those questions. No I’m not feeling good, no it’s not fixing the problem, and no it’s not making my life better. So, why am I still holding this grudge, if it’s not helping me?
The next question I want you to ask yourself is this: If I let this grudge go and accept that this person did something that hurt me, but holding onto this grudge is only hurting myself, will this improve my life? Will I feel better?
It’s normal to be angry sometimes. It’s normal to be hurt by things others do. But what I always ask myself is what can I control in this situation? I can control how I react. I can control if this grudge festers inside me like a storm taking away all my resources, or I can choose to move on, to get going, and to move towards what I really want.