129: How to Use Your Inner Perfectionist to Your Advantage

How to use your inner perfectionist to your advantage

Hi! I’m Nicole, and I’m a recovering perfectionist…

But what does it really mean when someone says they’re a perfectionist? Is it simply a catchy phrase you can use to introduce yourself? Or is it a combination of habits, beliefs, and patterns that shape how you think, act, and see yourself in the world?

In this community, most of us are a bit Type A (I do have a packing spreadsheet for each trip I take) and we definitely are a community with big goals, who set high standards for ourselves. If you’re reading this right now, chances are you probably are one as well! Or maybe you’re still not sure if you’d call yourself a perfectionist (or even if it might even be a good thing).

Today I’ll show you how your inner perfectionist developed, the 4 signs that you might indeed be a perfectionist, and how you can use these to your advantage to power up your productivity.

Excited? Me too! Let’s get started.

How I discovered my inner perfectionist when I had to staple my pants together…

The other day, a member of our community emailed me and said, “I wouldn’t consider myself a perfectionist, but I do struggle with procrastinating because I worry about messing up”.

Have you ever said something along the lines of “I’m not a perfectionist but…” And if it’s not procrastinating that you struggle with, it might be other things like feeling like you’re a failure, holding yourself back, or worrying about what other people think.

But no matter what that reason might be, you’d be surprised how a lot of our fears, doubts, and worries might actually be rooted in perfectionism.

In my academic, work, and personal life, I’ve always joked that I was a perfectionist. But I didn’t really believe it until some of the habits of my inner perfectionist were pointed out to me. After that, it became glaringly obvious– like a typo you found in an email after proofreading it twice– you can’t stop staring at it once you finally spot it.

Back in university, before I could become Dr. Byers, I had to take the biggest exam of my life where I had to get up in front of my whole department, give a presentation on a project I had been working on for years called my dissertation, and then I was examined by a group of professors (including the one professor in the university i”m pretty sure hated my guts). It was basically a question and answer process where I had questions thrown at me and I had to answer them on the spot. For two hours. As you can imagine, it was a nerve-wracking experience that was super important for me and my career.

This may also come as no surprise to you, but I’m the type of person who likes to over prepare. So what did I do? I put together this massive, 3-inch binder of notes for my exam. I wrote down every possible question I thought I could get asked and how I would answer those questions. No exaggerations here– that binder was filled to the brim!

So I had been preparing for this exam for years. I knew my project inside and out. I felt totally confident that I had this exam in the bag– thanks to my overpreparation. On the day of the exam, I was feeling good. I stepped out of my car in the university parking lot, big heavy binder in tow, when the hem of my pants got snagged, the seam rips out, and I’m left with pants that are at least two inches too long.

Now you’re probably thinking this isn’t a big deal– but I’m once again not exaggerating when I say that I’m super clumsy. And getting up in front of my department for the biggest presentation of my life that will determine whether I become a doctor or not, with pants that are too long for me to comfortably stand in, added even more stress to the whole experience.

What happened next was something I never thought I would have to do in my life– I found a stapler, and stapled the hem of my pants together. I didn’t have time to go home and change, nor did I have an emergency sewing kit handy.

Despite all of the time, effort, and preparation it took for me to get to this exam, nothing could prepare me for this wardrobe malfunction. It was like a scene out of a movie– imagine watching someone staple their pants together. But this was real life.

You might be wondering where your inner perfectionist comes in. Your brain doesn’t like making mistakes. Messing up doesn’t feel good– and that’s how your inner perfectionist developed. It evolved to keep you safe. That inner mean girl talking a bunch of smack over your shoulders all day telling you that you’re not good enough, or smart enough, or worthy enough…

And that’s the problem. Your inner perfectionist tells you a ton of lies about productivity. One of these lies is that you need to be working all the time, because if you’re not working- you’re lazy or not good enough. Or it’s not okay to ask for help because you should be able to do it all by yourself all the time.

Your inner perfectionist tries to convince you that if only you put more hours in at work, you’ll eventually get it perfect. News flash, that’s not how our brains work! If you put in more hours above and beyond what you already do, you’ll make more mistakes, you’ll burn out, and you’ll get way less done.

That inner perfectionist is sneaky! Your brain evolved to keep you safe and comfortable, and these mental habits happen on the down low, without you even noticing. And guess what? They’re draining your time, energy, and productivity. So while your inner perfectionist likes to pretend to be helpful, it’s actually holding you back from success.

Here are the 4 signs you might be a perfectionist (without even noticing it):

#1 = You procrastinate

It might surprise you to know that perfectionism, holding yourself to super high and unrealistic standards and worrying you won’t measure up to it all is a major driver of procrastination.

Your brain says “what if I’m not good enough, or I mess up, or even worse, I fail…” so it goes straight into procrastination mode. You think “what’s the point of starting if I’m just going to mess up anyways?”.

So you spiral into an endless cycle of overthinking and second-guessing every decision, mulling over the pros and cons, and doubting yourself. You become stuck in the cycle of inaction, and you procrastinate the tasks that will actually move you forward towards your goals.

#2 = You hold yourself back on your biggest goals.

This ties right back into procrastination. Your inner perfectionist doesn’t want you to fail– because let’s be real, failing sucks and it doesn’t feel good! So it holds you back on those big, scary, and overwhelming goals with all the “what-ifs” in the world.

What if your project doesn’t work out? What if you have to start over somewhere? What if you realize you don’t really enjoy what you’re doing? Are these questions making you feel uncomfortable? That’s what your inner perfectionist does.

The fear of failure is a major factor for us high achieving perfectionists. It can motivate you to strive for success, but it can also keep you from achieving your goals. Not to mention the insane amount of stress it adds to your day, pushing you closer to the very real possibility of burning out.

#3 = (Speaking of burn out) You take on way more than is humanly possible.

Is your to-do list a mile long? Are you struggling to find balance in the sea of tasks and responsibilities in your schedule? It could be a sign of your inner perfectionist working behind the scenes.

You have high expectations for yourself, which is a good thing, until it burns you out. You keep saying yes to things because your brain worries that saying no means you’ll let someone else down, or you’re not measuring up to all you’re supposed to be. And this makes sense, because you want to do things well.

Your to-do list keeps growing because you put a lot of time and effort into each task and project. Until you start feeling rushed and overwhelmed, trying to squeeze it all in to meet your tight deadlines. And when you don’t, because there’s barely enough room in your to-do list or schedule to rest and take a break, you get more frustrated because you feel like you’re not doing your best.

#4 = You lay in bed at night thinking about all the stuff you didn’t get done…

That inner critic LOVES to focus on your mistakes. It likes to bring up that negative highlight reel that stresses you out even more and makes it hard to get to sleep. It’s a real buzzkill.

When it comes to your goals, your inner perfectionist is laser focused on what you didn’t get done, versus the 20 things you did well on. This leads to an overachiever cycle of taking on way too much, not being able to get it all done, getting mad at yourself for not living up to your crazy standards, then procrastinating and ending up with even more on your to-do list.

2 strategies to challenge your inner perfectionist

So what can you do to break out of the perfectionism and overachiever cycle that’s eating up all your time, energy, and productivity?

You can challenge your inner perfectionist. You and I both know that your inner mean girl is not the voice of reason, she’s lying to you and pretending to be helpful. When in reality, your inner critic is standing between you and your goals.

Here are 2 ways to challenge that inner perfectionist:

Make it a habit to focus on your wins. Whether you keep a gratitude journal, list your successes out loud to yourself, or DIY a success board where you post your wins in your office as a reminder for your brain to reinforce all the things you’re doing right– make a plan to start focusing on your successes. Train your brain to notice all the GOOD stuff you’re doing. This will challenge your inner perfectionist to take a realistic look at your successes, and it will help you feel more confident.
Create a mantra to challenge your inner perfectionist. Mine is “Done is better than perfect.” Everytime I feel myself spiraling into the cycle of self-doubt and getting stuck in procrastination, I say this simple mantra to myself. Repeat it as many times as you need, especially when your inner perfectionist chirps in. You might even find yourself silencing your inner critic with this mantra.

Episode Bonus Resources

This episode is brought to you by my freeworkbook - Your Insider’s Guide to Stop Procrastinating. In this workbook I share 5 questions and 4 simple strategies you can start using today to get out of that cycle of waiting for the “perfect” time to start, and hesitating to take action towards your goal. Head to www.drnicolebyers.com/stopprocrastinating to get your copy

Key Episode Takeaways

Okay time for a quick recap: Whether you’re a perfectionist, recovering perfectionist, or unsure where you stand, we all have inner voices that dictate a lot about how we think, feel, or act. You will always be your own biggest critic, because your brain evolved to keep you safe. It’s wired for success, because failure is uncomfortable.

We talked about the 4 sneaky signs of that inner perfectionist– procrastination, self-doubt, unrealistic expectations, and focusing on your mistakes. Now I say they’re sneaky, because most of us don’t realize that these mental and productivity habits are rooted in perfectionism. They hold you back from reaching your goals and living the life you want for yourself.

Practice the two ways to challenge your inner perfectionist. You can stand up to your inner mean girl. Focus on your successes, and remember that done is better than perfect.

Show Highlights

[02:31] - A lot of our fears, doubts, and worries are rooted in perfectionism.

[04:40] - Listen to why I had to staple my pants!

[05:14] - Your inner perfectionist developed because your brain doesn’t like making mistakes.

[05:50] - Your inner perfectionist tries to convince you to work more.

[06:46] - Here are 4 signs that you might be a perfectionist. Sign #1 - You procrastinate.

[07:33] - Sign #2 - You hold yourself back on your biggest goals.

[08:29] - Sign #3 - You take on more than you can do.

[09:29] - Sign #4 - You lay awake at night focusing on the things you didn’t get done.

[10:37] - Make it a habit to focus on your wins.

[11:15] - Create a mantra that challenges your inner critic.

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