128: One Confidence Boosting Strategy to Rebound from Setbacks

One confidence boosting strategy to rebound from setbacks

Ever ask yourself, “how do I keep going even when things are going wrong?”

We’ve all been there! You take one step forward, and all of a sudden, life throws you a curveball and you feel like you’re 2 steps behind.

Or maybe you’re having one of those weeks where that saying, “when it rains, it pours” starts to hit a little too close to home.

You’re feeling stuck in your productivity journey, with all the setbacks blocking you from reaching your goals. Trust me, I know how that feels.

In this community of ambitious and overachieving perfectionists, we’ve all started something, then stopped, and started over.

But every time we start over… are we really doing it from scratch?

Keep reading to learn all about why our brains love momentum, hate setbacks, and what this means for us recovering perfectionists. We’ll explore the key differences between fixed and growth mindsets, plus I’ll share the one game-changing strategy you need to add to your schedule to get you focused on successes, not failures.

Okay, let’s dive in.

What I learned about momentum from being SUPER clumsy!

One fun fact about me is that I’m a pretty clumsy person.

People are often surprised to learn that I did competitive gymnastics for years, because I sure don’t seem that graceful.

It’s pretty obvious if you met me in person (I definitely try to avoid walking with any open cups of liquid in my hands, and you’ve probably heard me tell the story of how I had to staple my pants together before the biggest exam of my life after I stepped on the hem)!

So I’ve definitely had my fair share of setbacks when it comes to athletic pursuits, and I learned a lot about the power of momentum.

Here’s one quick story: When I was little, I went tobogganing with my mom. It was all fun and games, until I collided with a person on a tube. I was going down hill pretty fast when I hit that immovable object, and as you can imagine, I flew through the air. But that wasn’t all! I hit another obstacle on the way down, my sled of all things, and my nose was bleeding all over the hill. I’ll tell you what– that experience deserves to be on my highlight reel, for sure.

Now that I think about it, my nose took a good beating growing up. I also ran into a sign at full force when learning to downhill ski– thankfully, I tend to hurt myself surrounded by snow here in Alberta so there’s always ice available to throw on the injury. It’s probably a sign.

Here’s the thing → Momentum for your brain works a lot like your body gaining momentum while racing down the slopes of a hill.

You’re moving forward towards your goals and it feels great, until you hit that obstacle, that setback, then you’re coming to a dead stop and feel like all you’ve gained is lost. But that’s not entirely true.

How your brain builds (and keeps) momentum

It’s actually a lot easier for our brains to keep momentum rather than start over. Starting anything new is hard for our brains– whether you’re learning a new habit, training for a new position at work, or creating a new project for your online business.

Our brains aren’t the biggest fans of change.

Why? Because our brains like to stay comfortable.

Think about the route you take to work every day. Chances are, you’ve got a solid route that you always take. Because it’s routine for you– you don’t have to think about it anymore, all you do is drive. But when there’s construction or traffic, you might feel stressed having to take a detour. Change is anything but comfortable for our brains.

It takes a lot of work, effort, brain power, and energy to start something. But once we finally get started, our brains build momentum to keep going.

Have you ever had this experience where you’re procrastinating forever on a project, doing anything else other than the tasks to get started, but once you sit down and actually start doing it, 2 hours go by in a flash? That’s the momentum that your brain builds!

Imagine a snowball running down the hill. It starts off as a few flakes– they’re super small and it takes lots of effort– but once that snowball gets going, momentum builds and it gets bigger, faster. The same concept works for our brains.

Setbacks can feel like a brick wall at the end of that hill. Smashing your snowball into a million pieces and derailing all of the momentum you’ve built up. But believe me when I say it doesn’t have to be that way.

Why we get derailed after a setback

We get derailed after a setback because our brains have the tendency to focus on failure, and not notice gains.

You worked 8 hours in the office– and in that time, you finished all of your emails, tasks, and meetings. But in the last hour of your workday, you had to deliver a massive presentation to your boss. You got through everything, but you noticed a typo in your report. Or you missed one point. So you come home, thinking about all the ways you bombed that presentation and worrying about what your boss thinks of you.

Our brains evolved to notice mistakes because they’re meant to keep us safe. Your brain wants to keep you from making more mistakes– it’s a survival adaptation built into your system to ensure that you succeed in life.

But the problem is that we end up focusing on the bad– the things that went wrong or the ways that we messed up.

The brain ignores any potential positives, growth, or progress made.

Think of the last setback you had. Maybe you finally got on track with your schedule and you’re getting stuff done, then something throws a wrench in the mix and you feel like all your good habits go out the window and now you’re just trying to keep your head above water again.

Here’s the positives that your brain might be missing: you’re not actually starting from scratch all over again. All of your good habits didn’t go out the window or simply disappear. They’re still there, and you just need to reset and get back on track.

How to get back on track faster!

If you haven’t had the chance to read Carol Dweck’s book Mindset I highly recommend it. She talks about the difference between fixed and growth mindsets. I’ll give you the quick breakdown.

With a fixed mindset, we tend to see our personal qualities as fixed, static, and unchangeable.

This is when we say either “I’m smart or I’m not smart”, “creative, or not creative”, “athletic, or not athletic”.
It’s an either-or, black and white mindset, where we put ourselves into fixed categories that we don’t think we have the power to change.

With a growth mindset, we see our qualities as skills.

Something that can be learned.
We say, “I’m not the greatest at this thing, but I can learn more about it and practice” or “I’m not super athletic, but I’m gonna show up and play the sport anyways because I’ll get better at it”.

With a fixed mindset after a setback, you take it personally and think, “I’m a failure”. It sets your brain back even further.

But with a growth mindset, you think “I failed”. Failure is an action, not a quality. Your brain is more likely to bounce back faster, because that means it’s not something about who you are as a person. It’s just a thing that happened, so you can do something different about it next time.

Your challenge this week

Now for the part you’ve been waiting for– the key strategy to bouncing back from setbacks faster… Start a “done” list, rather than a to-do list.

Instead of focusing on what you didn’t get done, start highlighting all the things you did finish. Focus on your successes, not setbacks. Let me explain how this works.

When it comes to your to-do list, your brain is always focused on what you didn’t get checked off and all the tasks that you’re left with. It’s pretty good at ignoring the 5 things you finished for the day, focusing on the 20 things you didn’t get to do instead.

This habit zaps your momentum and motivation to keep going– it holds you back from getting started or picking up where you left off the next day because your brain says “why start when you won’t get it all done anyway?”

So, try this. Start a “done” list at the end of each week to review what you checked off, not what’s left to do. I guarantee you’ll be surprised by how much you actually did.

A “done” list trains your brain to focus on your wins instead of setbacks. And by noticing your successes more, you’ll start off each week with even greater momentum and motivation to reach your goals.

Bonus episode resources

This episode is brought to you by my free workbook - Your Daily Productivity Checklist. Ever wished you had more time in your day? This free workbook will walk you through the steps I use to set up my day to maximize productivity so you can get more done in your day (without feeling totally overwhelmed or staying up all night to squeeze it all in!) Download your copy of Your Daily Productivity checklist at https://www.drnicolebyers.com/checklist

Episode takeaways

Remember - Our brains evolved to keep us safe and comfortable – to prevent us from making the same mistakes. Keeping momentum is a million times easier for your brain than starting over, because change is uncomfortable. But we all deal with setbacks in our day-to-day lives. From faulty internet connection in your office, a scheduling mishap that rearranges your entire day, or an emergency that you need to take time off for. Changes, like setbacks, are inevitable parts of our lives. And as perfectionists, we know that– but we don’t like to think about it.

But with each setback, there are always positives that our brains are good at ignoring. You’re never starting over from scratch. All the things you worked hard for– like your good habits– are still there. Sometimes, all you need is to get back on track.

By starting a “done” list, you’ll remind yourself to focus on your successes, not your setbacks. You’ll be practicing the growth mindset and telling yourself that you can learn, bounce back, and be better. And this strategy and mindset will do wonders for your momentum and motivation to pick back up where you left off after a setback, and get right back on track.

Show Highlights

[02:49] - Listen to this story that shows how momentum works.

[03:36] - Momentum for your brain works the same way.

[04:01] - Starting something new is hard for our brains.

[05:38] - A setback feels like we’ve lost momentum because we focus on failure.

[06:54] - After a setback, your good habits are still there. You just have to get back on track.

[08:05] - What is the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset?

[08:41] - Start a Done List to focus on your successes

[09:42] - By starting with your successes, you will start your week with momentum.

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