Should We Be Saying “No” More Often Than We Say “Yes”

I always though that the fastest path to success was to say YES to every opportunity that came my way.

YES to extra projects in school would help me learn and I’d get better references after I graduated.

YES to extra projects at work helps out my colleagues, and gives me new chances for awesome experiences.

I’d say YES to parties or get togethers I really didn’t want to go too because I felt bad saying no. That I’d hurt someone’s feelings if I turned them down.

Or I’d worry about missing opportunities if I said no to projects at work. FOMO is real!

Then all of a sudden my calendar is packed, I’m working crazy hours, and I haven’t been to the gym in months. Sound familiar?

I’ve heard many very successful people say that they say NO more than they say YES to projects. One story goes that when Steve Jobs got back in charge of Apple he took Apple from hundreds of different projects down to just a few that they poured their hearts into. Regardless if you’re on Team Apple, they are a very successful company. By saying NO to most proposals that came across his desk Steve Jobs and the team at Apple were able to focus on the few projects that had the greatest potential.

I’m not saying we all should be Steve Jobs, but I am saying that when we say YES to everything, it can leave us burnt out. Then we get into this uncomfortable place where we feel like we are working all the time but nothing gets accomplished! We never move forward towards our goals because we’re stretched so thin.

Being super clear on what our priorities are can stop us from saying YES to too many things. If my priority is getting to the gym three times per week, I need to make sure I’m saying NO to anything that could get in my way. If my priority is getting home for dinner with my family each night then I better be saying NO to anything that will keep me at work late.

We often feel guilty about saying no. We worry about hurting someone’s feelings, or missing opportunities, or being judged. But think of it this way. If I’m saying YES to everything and getting burnt out, that’s not helping anyone. How can I be there for my family and my colleagues if I’m stretched so thin I’m not doing my best.

Saying NO can actually allow us the time and mental energy to be able to say YES to the things that really matter.

Try this this week. When you’re asked to take on something new, make NO your first answer. Then give yourself the time to think whether this is something you truly want to say YES to. Will it make you happier or help you towards your goals? Or will it just be one more thing on the to-do list that’s stressing you out?

Bonus: In case you missed it, check out my new quiz to find out your Stress Personality, and how to use your strengths to better manage stress.