91: How To Get Comfortable Doing Nothing

In our busy worlds we have a tendency to be go-go-go all the time. Rushing from project to project, task to task. And even when we get something accomplished, hit that milestone we’ve been working towards, we rarely take a moment to feel proud or to reflect on how far we’ve come. Instead it’s right on to that next task.

But our brains aren’t designed to be going and working all the time, and constant work actually makes your thinking less efficient.

In this episode of The Bold Life podcast I’ll explain why it’s hard to sit and do nothing, but this skill is really important if you want to get more done in the day, and have long term success in your health or career.

Do You Feel Uncomfortable When You Relax?

When’s the last time you sat and did nothing? And I don’t mean sit and watch Netflix for 3 hours, or mindlessly scroll social media. Really sat and did nothing?

I’m guessing if you’re listening to this podcast, doing nothing doesn’t come naturally. Or when you find yourself in a place where you’re doing nothing it feels uncomfortable or weird. 

You’re standing in line at the post office and you immediately pull out your phone and start checking emails…

… you check that last thing off your to-do list for the day and instead of taking a break or being proud of your accomplishment, you immediately dive into tomorrow’s list.

Sound familiar? Don’t worry my friend you’re not alone

In our world where busy is the new normal and technology has changed how we work and live, we’re always on. There’s this pressure to be busy all the time. Busy is not only normal, it’s valued. We feel like we’re being productive when we’re busy all the time. It actually feels good to be busy. 

But the problem is we’ve also developed beliefs about what it means to not be busy. About the value, or lack of value or rest.

We often see rest as lazy, or unproductive.

And even if we know at the core that rest and time to recover is important for our minds and bodies, it feels uncomfortable to slow down. Like we’re not working hard enough, or not good enough if we take it slow or easy some days. 

This is a pattern I see come up over and over with my clients and members of our community. A need to be busy, and feeling uncomfortable taking a break. 

Your Productivity Problem Might Be A Mindset Problem

I was talking with a client a few weeks ago who was sharing all the great strategies she was implementing from taking my course The Productivity Formula.

She was:

planning her days in advance,
booking time to get tasks checked off,
batching tasks to save energy and get more done.

All these great things. And she was getting stuff done. She would tell me about her day and everything she got checked off her to do list and I was impressed. Her productivity strategies were working and she was getting things done. 

But. You knew there was a but coming right? I asked her what she did after she checked off all her items on her to-do list that day…

… she paused and looked at me, then said, well I start on my list for the next day.

She didn't take even a moment to feel that sense of accomplishment at finishing her goals for that day, just dove right into more work.

And the real problem? Even though she was using all these fantastic productivity strategies, she was still feeling stretched thin because it always felt like there was more to do, like she could never rest. And this pattern is all too common. 

So we dove a bit deeper to find out why she feels like she always has to be working. And what she realized was that her sense of self worth is really tied to her work.

Our Self-Work Has Become Tied to How Hard We Work

This is super normal as a working adult.

Our careers and jobs are important to us. They’re often a source of pride, accomplishment, and purpose and those are all good things.

Until that importance become a monster.

Where work becomes all consuming. The only source of our identity. The source of what we believe we’re worth as individuals. When that happens, work becomes everything.

If I take a break it means I’m not good enough. If I don’t perform to these crazy high standards I’ve set then something’s wrong with me. 

So we take on more work. Say yes to way more things that we can possibly finish, and end up feeling stretched thin all the time, like we’re constantly rushing to get it all done, and like we can never take time for ourselves.

Even when you’re not working your mind’s on work. Thinking about what you have to get done the next day, or projects that are coming up, or how you’re ever going to squeeze it all in.

I’ve talked before on the show about how our brains only have so many mental resources. They’re not designed to be firing on all cylinders go-go-go all the time. They need breaks, and they need time to rest.

But that’s hard to do in our modern world in our culture of busy, especially if you’re a bit of a recovering perfectionist or overachiever. 

Learning to rest and do nothing has become a skill. A skill you have to retrain your brain to do. Because right now, your brain is out of shape when it comes to resting. Taking breaks or resting feels bad, and our brains don’t like to feel bad.

We need to train your brain that rest is crucial to your long term success, and without rest you’re likely to burn out. 

How To Get Comfortable Taking Breaks (And Not Feel Lazy!)

How do you get comfortable taking breaks and doing nothing? Practice and baby steps.

Remember learning to be comfortable doing nothing, to not feel like you should be doing something else, takes practice.

As soon as you sit down your brain and body are going to want to do something, whether that’s pull out your laptop and get back to work, turn on the tv, or start scrolling through emails or social.

We’re not even good at waiting 5 minutes in line without pulling out our phones. If you don’t believe me next time you're in line pay attention to how many people are on their phones checking whatever, and see if you feel like you should get your phone out too. 

The first step in training your brain to get comfortable with breaks and doing nothing at all is to start small. I’d suggest setting a timer for just 5 minutes.

I know 5 minutes doesn’t feel like a lot, but trust me this will be challenging at first. You’ll pretty quickly start to feel fidgety or like you should be doing something.

Set a timer for 5 minutes, then all I want you to do is sit there. You can close your eyes if it helps. If you need a place to focus, focus on your breathing. Don’t change your breathing or do any meditation or breathing techniques, just pay attention to your breathing. 

Here’s what you’ll probably notice:

You’re going to feel fidgety. Your brain is going to try and convince you to do something, that you should be productive. That’s normal
When those thoughts happen, don’t judge them, just notice them and let them go past. If you need a more concrete strategy for dealing with the “shoulds” during this exercise, check out episode 80 where I share the mental shelf strategy for distracting thoughts  https://www.drnicolebyers.com/blog/episode80
Your goal is to sit for the full 5 minutes and do nothing, just breath, relax, and practice putting those negative thoughts of self doubt, perfectionism, and the should’s to the side when they come up

Over time you’ll be able to increase the time you spend doing nothing, but take it slow.

Remember - we’re trying to train your brain that it’s okay to sit and do nothing sometimes. That doing nothing is valuable, and important for both your health and your productivity.

5 minutes of doing nothing can help recharge some of those mental and physical resources that get burnt out so fast in our busy worlds. 

Bonus Resources To Get More Done In Your Day

Check out my free Daily Productivity Checklist for more of the strategies I do every day to get more done (with less stress) and so I can save mental resources for my priorities. You can get your copy at drnicolebyers.com/checklist

Let’s Recap

In our busy worlds it’s become the norm to be always going, always feeling like you should be doing more, and so it’s hard to convince our brains to take a break, to rest, and to recharge.

Doing nothing is actually a skill, one that takes practice. It’s going to feel weird at first, your brain is going to try and convince you that your time is better spent tackling that to-do list.

But we know that constantly rushing between tasks, working all the time, and always being busy is a bad long term strategy not just for our brains and bodies, but also in terms of our goals.

Working all the time is not a long term productivity strategy, it’s just going to burn you out, and training your brain to be still, to take a few minutes every day to calm your body and mind while you do nothing is a great way to recharge those mental resources. 

Show Highlights

[01:44] When was the last time you sat and did nothing?

[02:39] Busy is not only normal, it’s valued.

[04:44] Is your sense of self-worth tied to your work?

[06:00] Our brains need breaks and time to rest and it’s time to practice.

[07:20] The first step to retraining your brain to rest is to start small.

[09:03] Grab the free productivity checklist!

[09:30] A quick recap on how to get comfortable doing nothing.

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