131: Top 3 Reasons High Achievers Burn Out

Top 3 reasons high achievers burn out

It’s no secret that you’re busy. I know you’re juggling a million things all at once, wearing as many hats as humanly possible, and you’ve got big career and life goals that would make anybody proud. You’re a busy, ambitious, high achieving woman, working so hard to create the life you want for yourself.

And you know what? I feel you. On all of it! As a mom, private practice owner, and online entrepreneur, I’ve had my fair share of crazy long to-do lists, late nights staying up to squeeze it all in, and jam-packed schedules that would never make any sense to anyone else looking at it.

So whether you work a 9-5, run your own business, or both– you’re left wondering where your time and energy have gone at the end of the day.

Between your career, business dreams, family, household tasks, appointments, dance recitals and soccer practice– the list just keeps going!-- it’s getting really hard to stay on top of it all and you might just be barely handling it. And maybe you’re even starting to think that you’re actually burning out…

You’re exhausted. Stressed. Overwhelmed.

So what are the real reasons behind why high achieving women like us are burning out? Because trust me, my friend, you are not alone!

Keep reading and, I’ll share the 3 real and relatable reasons why ambitious, high achieving women like us burn out, plus the 1 fail-proof strategy to fight burnout so you can enjoy all your hard work and start living that extraordinary life you deserve.

Why is my default to say “yes” to extra work?

If you’ve been with me in this community for a while, you know that scheduling is one of my superpowers. I’ve shared some tips and strategies in the past about how to schedule your day to maximize time, energy, and productivity – so you can get it all done without staying up late at night thinking about all the stuff you didn’t get checked off your list.

But let me tell you about my recent scheduling dilemma. I was asked to do a presentation for an insurance company that I often do clinical work with. I present to this company about once a year, and I talk about everything from strategies for case managers to improve their own brain health and productivity, to how to understand the cognitive and mental health symptoms that their own clients experience. As you can imagine, it’s a pretty big presentation with a ton of valuable information and resources for both clients and case managers.

The presentation was first mentioned to me at the beginning of this summer, but it took a while for them to settle on the exact date. They finally picked a date that was about 4 weeks away– which seems like a long time, but you know that I’m an overachiever, and I was already working towards the launch of one of my own courses, Time Warrior Academy, at the time. So basically, my schedule was pretty packed.

But here’s the funny part. Not for one second did I even think about asking them to change their date. Nope, I took a look at my schedule, and I ended up cutting out some stuff that I had on it for myself. Like my planned days off to spend with my kindergartner. I cut them out to make time for this presentation.

Then a couple of weeks later, as I was sitting in the kitchen while my husband was on the phone with a client, I heard the most interesting thing that made my ears perk up. My husband got a new contract for work and they wanted him to start next week. I listened as he confidently explained to the client that he can’t start work that week until after 11, because he likes to reserve his mornings for business planning tasks and exercise time. Then the client on the phone responded, saying “Great! We’ll see you at 11 then!”.

And here I was, sitting and thinking to myself, what the heck?! How was it so easy for him to protect his priorities and to put his self-care first? Why didn’t he immediately rearrange his life to accommodate someone else like I did? And was he even the slightest bit worried that if he said “no”, he’d be letting the client down?

This is a pretty common experience for our community of high achievers, especially for us as women. We set high goals and even higher expectations for ourselves. And we try to cram it all in! We end up being busy all the time and jumping from task to task.

Then when something urgent or unexpected comes up, what’s the first thing we do? We cut out “me” time, or self-care tasks like going for an evening stroll around the neighborhood. We replace the things that make us happy, or make us feel good, with things that add even more stress and pressure.

And this is how we spiral into the overachiever cycle of busy, overwhelmed, and burned out.

3 reasons high achieving women are burning out

So how did we get here? I’m going to walk you through 3 of the reasons why I think high achieving women are burning out in our modern world, then I’ll tell you all about the one strategy you can start practicing today to create a schedule and a life where you can thrive– without being one step from the edge of burnout all the time.

Reason #1- We have trouble saying “no”.

Our inner people pleasers and inner perfectionists are uncomfortable saying “no” because we’ll feel guilty about letting someone else down.

Maybe your boss or your client will feel disappointed if you say you can’t take this on right now. Maybe they’ll see you differently, and they might even get upset at your decision.

There’s also the fear that saying “no” will show other people that we’re not good enough. So instead, we feel this pressure to say “yes” to extra work, “yes” to accommodating other people’s schedules, and “yes” to cutting out the time we need for ourselves.

Our default is to say “yes”-- in the same exact way that I did with my presentation. But whenever you say “yes” to something, you’re also saying “no” to something else. And for high achieving women, what we’re really saying “no” to is ourselves. No peace of mind, no time off, no rest.

Reason #2 We put ourselves last on our priority list.

Whenever something comes up, the first thing I’ll cut out of my schedule is self-care. Let’s be honest, we know that this is pretty common in this community. How many times have you had an urgent work deadline you had to meet where you ended up skipping your lunch break, or staying up an extra hour at night so you could work on it?

For me, I know that if I told a client I couldn’t meet with them until after I finished my workout, I’d feel so guilty. As you can tell, we’re back on the guilt train. So where is this coming from?

Our brains come up with stories and beliefs about hard work. Things like “If I’m not working all the time, then I’m just being lazy” or “If I’m not super busy all day then I’m really not that productive”.

Then there’s societal values in our modern world, where women have a ton of pressure on their shoulders to save the world (without getting recognition for it)!

There’s pressure to hustle at work, be your own boss, get a million things done at home, and so many other messages that we’re getting all over– through social media, friends, colleagues, even family members.

We actually saw this during the pandemic with the great resignation of women who are mothers. There was this massive expectation that mom stays home with kids more often, but we still feel pressured to keep working while we raise a family and juggle it all. I read an interesting article recently that women feel way guiltier than men when their kid interrupts a zoom meeting when they work from home. Women feel lazy or guilty for prioritizing themselves first, which as we know, is a short and fast route to burn out.

Reason #3 We struggle to ask for help. Or to even admit that there’s a problem we need help with.

We just keep pushing past it, because we’re used to doing it all ourselves. “Oh I got this, I’ll make it work… even if it means I’m staying up all night or skipping the gym everyday, or not being able to read a book for fun in ages”.

We think this is normal, and we don’t even question it, because our brains (and society!) tell us that this is the way it has to be. And if it isn’t, then we’re failing miserably or we’re not measuring up to high expectations.

We often don’t look for help until it’s too late and we’re far down the rabbit hole of burnout. We’re snapping at our kids at home because we’re so drained and cranky, or we’re making more mistakes at work without realizing it because we’re running on empty. When we feel like we have to be superwoman 24/7, doing it all ourselves, it’s hard to ask for help and we end up burning ourselves out.

Your burnout-prevention weekly challenge

So how can we save our brains, bodies, and souls from the crushing weight of all the stress, exhaustion, and overwhelm that comes with burnout?

Here’s your challenge this week - Carve out a small period of time every week to do something just for you. Do something you really enjoy doing, or try something you’ve always wanted to do. It’s even better if you do it just for fun! You can start small– even taking 15 minutes out of your day just to read, go for a walk, or watch a show you’re into. Or you can go big– like taking the day off to spend time with your kids.

So if you’re at your desk right now, take out your schedule for the week. Block out a chunk of time wherever you want– to do whatever it is you want. Anything that brings you joy. Then do that thing this week and set a reminder to do the same thing next week. Remember, even on days you feel super busy and stretched thin, all it takes is 15 minutes to reset and refresh.

Episode bonus resources

This episode is brought to you by my free workbook - your daily productivity checklist. Ever wished you had more time in your day? This free workbook will walk you through the steps I use to set up my day to maximize productivity so you can get more done in your day (without feeling totally overwhelmed or staying up all night to squeeze it all in!) Download your copy of Your Daily Productivity checklist at https://www.drnicolebyers.com/checklist

Episode takeaways

And in this episode, we talked about the 3 reasons why high achieving women burn out– from our inner people pleaser throwing guilt at us, to how we unintentionally put ourselves last on our priority list, and to being superwoman all day every day.

We covered a lot of ground! And the key strategy to fighting burnout?

Take the time to put yourself back on your priority list. Because you’re worth the time and energy investment. Practice setting time aside for “you” time. Find 15 minutes in your day to save you from long-term burnout. Remember– even starting small will work wonders for your motivation and productivity so you can get right back on track doing all the things you do best. As a high achieving woman with huge career goals and dreams, you wouldn’t be where you are today without YOU.

Show Highlights

[02:30] - Scheduling is a superpower.

[02:59] - I share one recent scheduling dilemma.

[04:02] - I cut personal time out of my schedule to fit in a presentation.

[05:29] - We tend to replace the things that we love with more tasks that stress us out.

[06:00] - Reason #1: We have trouble saying no.

[06:58] - Reason #2: We put ourselves last on our priority list.

[08:33] - Reason #3: We struggle asking for help.

[09:40] - Carve out time everyday to do something just for you.

[10:34] - Start small and the more you practice, the less guilty you’ll feel.

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