123: 3 Steps to Put Yourself Back On Your Priority List

“I’m mostly handling it…”

That’s what a member of our The Bold Life Podcast community told me recently when we were talking about her crazy busy to-do list.

And when she said it I thought, yeah I’ve totally been there.

Looking like you’ve got it all together on the outside, juggling a million responsibilities, but the truth is you’re one unexpected deadline from definitely not handling it.

On today’s episode I’ll share my own story of how I had it all together on the outside but was barely handling it on the inside, and why I started paying closer attention to what I was doing with my free time when I burnt myself out (because work wasn’t my only problem).

Keep reading and I’ll share how you can make time to check something off your bucket list like I am.

That time I had to ask my toddler for business advice

You might have heard my tell the story of how I graduated after a million years in university, got my dream job at a new hospital, but after 5 years I started to get restless…so I took the leap and started my own private practice, then my own online coaching and speaking business, and it was just that easy and now I sit on the beach all day with my pina coladas….

…no, that's not exactly how it happened. Here’s the behind the scenes view.

When I decided to dip my toes into the world of entrepreneurship I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing and my business actually worked before I gave up my 9-5 and the steady paycheck. Makes sense right? I’m the primary income earner in our family, so it would be a huge risk to quit my day job in case my business was a disaster.

So I did the smart thing and started my business on the side. Which was a good idea. The problem was how I executed this idea…

I started using all my vacation days to see clients in my private practice.

And spending my evenings and weekends doing paperwork, working on my online courses,and trying to learn a whole new world of running a business (which was definitely not something I learned in graduate school).

I’d work at the hospital all day, come home, play with my family (Allison was a toddler at the time), and then after she went to bed I’d go down to our basement (where I had a desk squeezed in the corner of all the toys and work for a few more hours…

Yep you guessed it, I was burning the candle at both ends and knew it was a problem. So I cut back to part time at the hospital.

Do you think I took that extra two days a week I now had off to focus on things that refueled my mind body and spirit? No I did not. As a recovering perfectionist, overachiever, and workaholic I just used that time for more work!

Eventually after it got ot the point where my brain was in such decision fatigue I was having to ask my 2 year old for business advice, I realized I needed to get my schedule under control, and I used all the strategies I know about how our brains work and the neuroscience of success to get my to-do list reined in at work, set up boundaries so I wasn’t working 24-7, and that was all good.

My work schedule was under control, but I still felt exhausted!

But I still felt stressed out. I was working way less, back to a normal schedule, but I’d come home, hang out with my family, do some chores in the evening, and by the time I went to bed I wasn’t feeling refreshed. I was taking breaks but that wasn’t enough.

Because breaks and time away from work is only part of burnout prevention for busy perfectionists like me.

To truly refuel your body and mind, that time off needs to be filled with things that recharge you.

I wasn’t doing that. I was filling my time with house work. I wasn’t opening my laptop in the evening, but I just made a giant home to-do list instead (this overachiever cycle is a tough nut to crack let me tell you).

I’d get home and be busy all night. I would help with dinner, play with Allision, try to squeeze in some exercise, and put her to bed, then spend an hour tidying up before I went to bed. Zero surprise. I wasn't feeling relaxed or refreshed when my head hit the pillow.

Those productivity pitfalls that we develop at work as high achievers and perfectionists don’t magically go away when we get home. And it's pretty common if you’re busy all day at work to be busy all night and weekend too.

And usually that “free time” is filled with things we feel like we should do - chores, errands, helping your kids or spouse with their stuff, tidying the endless mess at home, getting ready for the next week…and it’s not relaxing or refreshing

When I figured out I was making the same productivity mistakes at home as I had been making at work, I pulled out my productivity power-up system that was helping me take control of my time and energy at work and put it into place at home too.

The small shift I made so I could achieve my goals and still have energy to enjoy them

One key in that system? Doing things that refuel your mind, body, and spirit.

The small shift I started making was taking one thing I like to do, that’s important for me, that I know helps me be less stressed and more motivated, and I MADE TIME in the evenings.

For me - that’s reading. I love to read. Fiction and nonfiction.

So I started making time to read most days. Not every day, life happens. But instead of spending that hour tidying up Allison’s toys after she goes to bed (which is busy work by the way - because it stresses me out and doesn’t take me closer to my goals - all that tidying does is create temporary order until tomorrow when she wakes up and pulls it all out again)...

…so instead of getting pulled into a busy work trap in the evenings, I made a point of getting out whatever novel I was reading and spending 30-60 minutes with it before bed.

Here’s what I’ve noticed - I’m less stressed when I go to bed, because I’ve had a chance for my brain and body to relax, so I’m sleeping better.

I’m not as stressed - because I’m doing something that recharges me every day, and so I’m not as stressed that I struggle to find “me time” in my busy life.

And I’m actually on track to check off a bucket list item I thought I’d have to wait until I retired to have time to do! Reading 50 books in a year.

I wasn’t actually trying to reach this goal, but when I started prioritizing reading earlier this year I started taking a picture of each book I read.
And by mid july I’d already read 26 books!
Really read them too, no audiobooks while I multitask with 30 other things.
I sat down and read the paper copies.

I know reading might not be your thing - but there will be something that fills you up. That refuels your energy and motivation. Add that’s what we want to make time for every day.

How to make time to refresh your brain even if you’re super busy

So how do you make this happen in your life?

Step 1 - decide what you want to do for me-time. For me it’s reading. For you it might be 30 minutes of your favorite show, or a craft project, or knitting, or taking your dog for a walk. Pick your thing.

Step 2 - leave blank space in your schedule after work too. If your to-do list is packed until you go to bed your brain has no time to recharge. Leave space at the end of your day.

Step 3 - get started! Use that time for you. Just for you. And when that inner critic jumps in to tell you that you should be doing something productive - remind your brain that you can’t save the world if you’re burnt out. You’re worth the time to invest in yourself.

Bonus episode resources

This episode is brought to you by my free workbook- Your Insider’s Guide to Stop Procrastinating. In this workbook I share 5 questions and 4 simple strategies you can start using today to get out of that cycle of waiting for the “perfect” time to start, and hesitating to take action towards your goal. Head to www.drnicolebyers.com/stopprocrastinating to get your copy.

Key Takeaways

Remember - You can overschedule your free time.

If you’re a bit of an overachiever or recovering perfectionist like me, those habits of cramming your to-do list with a billion things can spill over from your work life to your free time - which means your brain is always going and doesn’t get a chance to recharge.

Start leaving blank space in your evenings and weekends for things you love to do. Just a few minutes a day on something that fills you up and that’s just for you can do wonders for your energy and motivation

Show Highlights

[02:10] - I started my business on the side, but I didn’t leave any free time for myself.

[04:15] - Taking breaks wasn’t enough.

[05:16] - Our tendencies at work don’t go away when we get home.

[07:20] - I describe what I noticed after making time for one activity I love.

[08:27] - Step #1: Decide what you want to do in your free time.

[08:42] - Step #2: Leave space in your schedule after work.

[09:00] - Step #3: Get started!

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