122: 5 Signs You’re “Mostly Handling It…” But Could be Burning Out

Have you ever been worried you’re teetering on the edge of burning yourself out? I know I’ve totally been there, and to be honest, I’ve been over that edge before too…

Working all the time,
setting impossible standards for myself, and
Burning out trying to do it all.

When I graduated and got my first job on a hospital neuroscience team I learned pretty fast I wasn’t the only high achieving woman out there burning the candle at both ends.

In this episode I’ll explain why we set ourselves up for burnout as recovering perfectionists, 5 signs of burnout to watch for, and one strategy to get your energy, motivation, and confidence back on track.

I got my dream job and it wasn’t what I expected!

You’ve heard me tell the story of how I accidentally became a neuroscientist (check out episode 117 if you want to hear the whole story).

But once I got into graduate school I loved it.

During my residency year I worked at a hospital in Halifax and got the chance to learn from so many experts in the field of neuroscience and brain health. I worked in a bunch of different clinics including with folks who had injuries to the brain, and different illnesses that impact brain health like MS, dementia, cancer, and parkinson’s disease. And it was probably my favorite year of university (didn’t hurt that I got to live a short walk from the harbor after growing up in the landlocked prairies).

Then I finally graduated, got my dream job at a hospital close to my family, and was so excited to start working. And I expected it to be a lot like my residency work. I was working in another hospital, so I thought I would be working with similar cases and on similar teams…boy was I in for a surprise.

After working in this new hospital I started to notice an interesting pattern → About half of my patients were there for reasons I had been trained to help with. They had an injury or illness to their brain and were struggling with skills like memory, problem solving, even speech.

But the other half of my cases stumped me.

Here’s a typical example. Let’s call this woman Marie. So Marie comes in one day and sits down in my office. She’s in her late thirties or early 40s, and she’s started to notice her memory is shot. She’s telling me about how she can’t seem to remember anything! Her family says she’s repeating herself, last week she left her phone in her fridge, and she feels scattered and disorganized at work. And she’s worried something is horribly wrong.

Here’s the interesting part - there was nothing wrong with Marie’s brain. We had her do some tasks that look at brain health and they all came back totally normal. When we tested her memory it was great, even above average, so what was going on…

I asked Marie to tell me more about her life. She’s BUSY. She has a job that she loves and she worked super hard to get there. After graduating from university she started working for a big company in accounting and busted her butt, getting a bunch of promotions over the years. And she loves her colleagues and her career…

…but the thing is they’re short staffed, and she’s working long hours, a bunch of overtime, and starting to feel more and more behind.

She’s putting a bunch of pressure on herself to get more done, but the to-do list is never ending, and she’s started taking work home with her…and it’s still not helping.

Plus she has a family. Two girls who are into dance and gymnastics. So her and her husband are taking them to activities every night, juggling chores, dinner, family time, and by the time her head hits the pillow she’s exhausted but can’t sleep because she’s dreading that to-do list waiting for her in the morning

Sound familiar? About half of my patients were Maries. Busy high achievers whose brains were healthy, but they were burning themselves out by taking on way more than is humanly possible, working all the time, and getting frustrated with themselves for not being able to do it all.

And that stress and pressure was taking its toll.

Why perfectionists are prone to burnout

In our modern world where hustle culture is really put on a pedestal a lot of us are getting closer to burnout. Where busy has become the new normal, we get a lot of messages about what we should be doing.

Like we should have giant to-do lists. That the busier we are the more successful we must be. That we should be able to do it all, have a job we bend over backwards for, a house that looks like it could be in a magazine it’s so clean and organized, we workout and only eat the healthiest of foods all the time, and we do it without complaining…

But that’s not realistic. And when we put that kind of pressure on ourselves, it takes a toll on our bodies, minds and souls.

The problem is our brains like to be comfortable. And when the messages we’re getting from the media, friends, family, and the world around us are that we should be busy and hustling all the time - our brains take those messages in. They say okay to be happy I have to be busy. I have to have a giant to-do list. If I do all this work now I can finally relax when I retire…in 30+ years. And it starts to feel uncomfortable to relax. To take me time. To do something just for fun. And our brains burn out.

For us perfectionists and overachievers burnout might not look like what you’d expect.

You might be thinking, I’ll know when I burn out because my body will be exhausted. Yes, but it can be a delayed effect.

Ever notice that as soon as you go on vacation you’re exhausted?

You seem fine while you’re working, but that first day off you get sick, or you sleep for the first 3 days of your holiday… you got it, that’s burn out.

Because as high achievers and perfectionists we can keep pushing ourselves. Pushing past the point where we really needed to take a hard look at our productivity habits…and we only notice it’s a problem when we get a moment to rest and finally collapse. That’s not a good thing!

Think of it like this. Say you decide you want to go for a long run (I hate running and would never do this, but it’s a good analogy). So you start your run. And the first 5 k or so you feel pretty good. But then you start to notice you’re tired. You’re breathing heavier. It’s hard to catch your breath, your legs are heavy, but instead of listening to your body and taking a break, you keep going. And you keep ignoring all the warning signs until you collapse on the road…

…that’s what we’re doing with our current productivity habits. Ignoring all the signs that we should stop and change something, and pushing ourselves until we collapse. I know you wouldn’t run until you pass out, so why do we keep on that hamster wheel of busy?

5 signs of burnout to watch for:

Every time you take a vacation you get sick. This means you’re pushing your brain and body past its limits. Your body keeps going while it has to at work, but as soon as you finally rest your brain says yay we can lower the defenses (which are exhausted and depleted) and you get sick. I”ve seen this happen a million times, myself included. And who wants to spend their vacation sleeping or sick? Not me, and I doubt you do either.
Your memory feels like a sieve - Left your phone in the fridge? Forgot the code to your front door? Can’t remember what day it is? Yep I’ve been there. Our brains prioritize energy. When our energy is running low like when we’re burning out, your brain’s priority is to keep you awake and safe. Memory is low priority. If you notice more memory errors, it could be a sign to rethink how much you’re working or how hard you’re pushing yourself.
You’re exhausted but you can’t sleep - Ideally when your head hits the pillow you should fall asleep in about 5-20 minutes. If you fall asleep instantly, or you lay there for hours staring at your ceiling thinking about everything you should be doing… your brain might be burning out.
Headaches and muscle tension - When we ignore signs of stress, that stress and pressure has to go somewhere. Often as perfectionists it goes into our muscles. We hold htat pressure in our shoulders, or back, or hips. For me it’s my shoulders. If I take a deep breath, and notice when I breath out my shoulders drop 3 inches, it’s a sign I need to get up and take a break.
You’re as cranky as a hungry bear - We’re back to how our brain’s prioritize resources when we’re tired. Managing our emotions is not priority. So it’s normal to be more cranky, or irritable, or burst into tears when you watch a sad commercial (but for real, why do they pull at your heart strings so much with some of those?!). If your emotions are feeling like a roller coaster, it could be a sign your brain is burning out.

One simple strategy to prevent burnout for perfectionists

So what can you do? How do we get stuff done, be proud of our careers and lives, and not burn ourselves out in the process?

If you’re noticing any of these signs of burnout, here’s one simple strategy to get your energy, motivation and confidence back on track.

Do this - stop focusing on what you didn’t get done, and reward yourself for what you accomplished.

This habit is a big contributor to burnout for perfectionists. Getting to the end of the day, you have 5 things crossed off your to-do list, but all you can think about are the 10 things you didn’t get checked off…

Instead, train your brain to notice your successes. There are a few ways to do this.

Option 1 - Celebrate your small victories. I call these my “Wednesday win’s”.

Once a week I make a routine of paying attention to what I got checked off (not what’s left). I also like to write down my small victories at the end of the day.

Sometimes they’re small. Like I finally got started on a task I've been avoiding forever, or I got a compliment from a colleague.

The more you train your brain to notice your successes, the less that inner perfectionist will tell you that you’re not working hard enough.

Option 2 - Review what’s going well.

Whenever I scroll back through old pictures I can’t believe how much my daughter has grown in the past year. Sometimes because I see her every day those small changes are hard to see, but when you see a picture from a year ago it’s impossible to miss right?

Do this with yourself too. When you’re starting to feel like you’re not making progress, or your confidence is down, turn your brain back to look at where you were a year ago, or 5 years ago and list all the ways you’ve changed. The ways you’ve grown. I know they’re there. Your brain is just good at ignoring those small changes.

Episode bonus resources

Want more tips to get your to-do list under control and actually get stuff done? Check out my free Daily Productivity Checklist. I walk you through the habits I use every day to get my brain focused, keep making progress (even on the days my motivation is low), and feel productive, not busy. Snag your copy at Drnicolebyers.com/checklist.

Key takeaways

Remember - The hustle culture that says you should be busy all the time is a recipe for burnout. And burnout can sneak up on you. You don’t want to work that hard just to spend your vacation sleeping right? But with a few small changes you can get your brain focused on your wins, instead of stressing about everywhere you feel like you’re failing.