112: Why Embracing Your Bad Mood Is Good For Your Brain!

I’ve got a secret to share with you today - It's okay to not feel happy all the time!

You probably know this. But do you really believe it's true?

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking we should never feel sad or angry or cranky, but that’s just not true. Today I’ll share 3 reasons why the occasional crappy mood is good for your brain and why putting pressure on yourself to be all sunshine and lollipops all the time can burn you out.

What did you learn about good and bad moods growing up?

My almost five year old Alison might look a lot like my husband but her personality is all mom including our mutual hatred of mornings.

I am definitely not a morning person. I am never going to be part of the 5am club where I jump out of bed, work out, and do all this stuff before everyone else in the house gets up.

Nope…I take a long time to roll out of bed… and it's best if no one really talks to me for the first 10 or 15 minutes or so.

Some days my preschooler jumps out of bed, energized, and chatting my ear off…

… but other days she wakes up in a foul mood.

She's cranky. She stomps in with a scowl on her face. Grumbles something at me. Grabs her teddy bear. And goes downstairs to sit on the couch and watch cartoons until she really wakes up.

Let me ask you this → when you were little and you were in a bad mood… what did those around you say? Did they say things like “cheer up”, “stop being so cranky”, or “smile a little bit”?

How about now when you're in a bad mood? Ever feel pressured to get out of that bad mood as fast as you can?

Don't worry if you've noticed these things. You’re not alone.

This is a really common message we learn growing up, and as adults. That we should never feel sad or cranky or irritable or be in a bad mood.

This pressure comes from family, social media, friends, strangers, even movies and TV.

The results? When we have those bad moods we put pressure on ourselves to get out of that bad mood as fast as possible.

We learn to ignore our negative emotions, or to push them down deep so we don’t upset anyone else…

But the trouble is that this is really hard on our minds and bodies. Plus, there are good reasons for us to have bad moods. Let me explain 3 reasons it’s good to be in a bad mood some times.

Reason #1 it’s good to be in a bad mood sometimes = that emotion might be your brain trying to get your attention

Maybe you're super busy at work. You’ve got a million things on your to- do list. You feel rushed all day. And after work you get kind of cranky when your kids haven’t picked up their clothes…

That bad mood might your brain trying to get you to notice you’re overwhelmed nad you need a break.

Maybe when you feel sad or down, or your motivation is low your brain is trying to get you to notice you’re not committing time to take care of yourself (like time to sleep, exercise, and eat healthy).

Often that emotional response is really the first indication that something is off or out of balance. Because those emotional centers of our brain are really strong and can drive the show sometimes. Especially if you’re a bit of a perfectionist or overachiever like me…

We often get really focused on doing. On getting stuff checked off the list. And we don’t always pay attention to our emotions.

Some of this we learned growing up. Maybe you were taught not to focus on the negative, or to put on a happy face even when things are hard.

But those emotions might be your brain throwing up a flag. Trying to get you to pay attention to something that’s out of balance. Giving you a reminder that you need a break.

Reason #2 = Bad moods give our brains context

There was this movie back in the 90s called Pleasantville. Reese Witherspoon was one of the stars. It was about a brother and sister and somehow they get sucked into this old black and white movie. And the movie is about how everything is Pleasantville is too perfect…

Everyone has fake smiles all the time. They’re nice and pleasant to each other. But beneath the surface they’re holding back their true feelings and true emotions.

It’s a romantic comedy so it has a happy ending - and as the characters learn to express themselves (good or bad) they turn into color. I think the movie was only so-so quality, but the message was good.

Our brains need context. If everything is happy all the time, then we don’t really experience happiness.

Let me say that another way. Has there ever been something you’re just naturally good at? And did you like doing that thing?

Here’s my own example. I’ve never been good in biology classes. They were my lowest grades in highschool and I had to work by butt off. Math and physics were a breeze, but I struggled in biology…

Fast forward a few years, and I spend 10+ years in university studying biology and neuroscience!

It never came easy to me. But I do believe part of the reason I started to like biology classes was that I put so much work into them. They were hard, so my brain started to value the effort I was putting in more. I’m putting in a lot of work, it must be worth it, maybe this is fun after all…

Just like in Pleasantville the movie - when everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time we don't have any context for that happiness. So everything feels bland and boring.

We need disappointment to enjoy the success.

We need to feel sad sometimes to appreciate the happy moments.

Reason #3 = When we push our emotions down and ignore bad moods it can impact our health.

When we ignore our emotions, when we push the bad mood or stress or whatever down, it can show up physically.

In medicine we see this show up as stomach problems, headaches, muscle tension, and a ton of other physical signs of stress.

If I wake up in a bad mood, but I feel like I need to push that mood down so no one sees I’m stressed, that stress goes somewhere! Often into our bodies.

Instead, if we learn to accept the bad moods when they happen, this takes pressure off our bodies and our minds.

Episode bonus resource - Your Insider’s Guide to Stop Procrastinating

In this free workbook I share 5 questions and 4 simple strategies you can start using today to get out of that cycle of waiting for the “perfect” time to start, and hesitating to take action towards your goal. Click here to get your copy

How I’m helping my preschooler be okay with her bad mood days

Back to my preschooler and her bad moods in the morning.

Because I work with so many high achievers and perfectionists who have learned to bury their emotions, I’m working hard to help Allison be comfortable with her bad moods.

I believe that by her learning when she's younger that it is okay to have this full range of emotions, it'll be easier for her as an adult to recognize those emotions as signs she needs a break or to make a change in some area.

We all have bad days. We're all in bad moods sometimes and that's actually a good thing.

Putting pressure on ourselves to be perfect all the time, to always be happy and smiling, and to never feel upset is just setting us up to burn out.

Learning to feel comfortable on those days when we're just having an off day or we don't feel totally like ourselves is a skill. Our emotions are there for a reason. Are you listening to what your mind and body are trying to tell you?

Show Highlights

[01:33] My almost 5-year old is a lot like me in that she is not a morning person.

[02:41] When you were little and in a bad mood, what did the adults around you do and say?

[04:33] Reason number one that it’s a good thing to be in a bad mood sometimes.

[06:36] The second reason bad moods are a good thing.

[07:42] Has there ever been something that you were naturally good at and you enjoyed doing?

[10:08] One last reason why it’s a good thing to be in a bad mood sometimes.

[12:32] Why I’m working to teach my preschooler that it’s okay to have a range of emotions.

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