94: Are You Too Focused On Your Mistakes?

A few weeks back I slipped on ice and fell flat on my back, about 2 seconds after I had warned my husband and daughter that it was icy. As I laid in the snow laughing it reminded me of another time a few years back when I had a similar slip, but a very different reaction. Where instead of laughing it off, my inner perfectionist jumped out and started reminding me of how I wasn’t living up to expectations.

In this episode of The Bold Life podcast I’ll explain why that inner perfectionist gets in the way when it comes to productivity, and why I’m practicing getting comfortable making mistakes.

A Slippery Situation

Over the holidays we went to the Calgary Zoo lights festival. We’ve been once before many years ago after moving to Calgary but hadn’t gone since Allison was born because bedtime and nap schedules always got in the way.

But this year after she impressed me with her 2 hours of trick or treating at Halloween, we decided she was old enough to stay up to walk around the zoo and see all the lights.

Thankfully we live in Canada where it gets dark at 5:00 in the winter so we didn't have to keep her up too late (although she did fall asleep in the car on the way home).

If you ever come to Calgary around the holidays, I would definitely recommend checking out zoo lights. They start putting the lights up months in advance and it’s very cool. Lights in all the trees, animal shaped lights, even some dinosaur light displays in the dino park.

December in Calgary is cold and icy to say the least. We had our ski suites on and winter boots, and we were being cautious walking. We were cutting through a park to get to more lights and I could see that the edge of the park was really slick.

I warned Jason and Allison to be extra careful, then stepped forward and my feet slipped out from under me and I landed flat on my back! I wasn’t hurt (the layers of clothes and the fact that I’m pretty short so don’t have far to fall helped) and we all started laughing.

If you’ve been listening to this show for a while, you know I’m pretty clumsy, and a lot of my stories involve me falling or dropping things (it’s hard to believe I was a competitive gymnast for years), and this fall at the zoo reminded me of another fall many many years ago back in my first year of university.

Similar situation, it was winter (at the time I was living in Edmonton which is just as cold if not colder than Calgary), and I was walking down these outside steps toward the quad and the main cafeteria for lunch, when I stepped on ice and slid down the stairs on my but.

My body wasn’t hurt, but my pride sure was! No one was outside watching, but of course these steps lead right to the cafeteria where there is a wall of glass windows. I couldn't’ see in because of the glare, but I was pretty sure about a 100 people just saw me fall on my butt. I remember being mortified, so embarrassed and feeling like a giant failure.

Perfectionism and You

I’ve struggled with perfectionism and self doubt for years. Sometimes that drive to be perfect and to succeed has helped me. It helped me push myself through 11 years of university and get my PhD, and it probably helped me back in my athlete days when I was putting in some long hours in the gym.

But there’s a dark side to perfectionism. It can lead to crazy high expectations for yourself, self doubt and that inner critic smack talking you over your shoulder when you make a mistake (because we all make mistakes and fall sometimes), and even to your brain and your body burning out (because it takes a ton of energy to try and be perfect all the time).

Perfectionism can also make you less productive. Your brain only has so many mental resources. Holding yourself to unreasonable standards, constantly doubting yourself and feeling like you’re not working hard enough or you’re not good enough, and needing everything to be perfect drain those resources.

I know it seems counterintuitive, but because of how your brain works, trying to be perfect and worrying about making mistakes actually makes you more likely to make mistakes! I know right?!

Have you ever been trying to remember someone’s name, maybe a name of a famous actress or someone you used to work with years ago, and it’s right on the tip of your tongue but you just can’t remember it… then 5 hours later when you’re driving home or you’re in the shower it comes to you out of nowhere?

That’s totally normal. What happens in your brain in these situations is when we’re thinking too hard about something, it can essentially burnout the brain cells around that bit of information.

The cells of your brain become inhibited because they’ve been firing too much (or working too hard) so basically they need a break. That’s why it’s easier to come up with that name when you’re not thinking so hard. Your brain’s had time to rest.

This works the same way with mistakes. The harder I’m thinking about not making a mistake, the more my neurons burn out and the more mistakes I’m going to make. So even though it seems like perfectionism will improve your performance, it doesn’t always.

Procrastination and What You Can Do About it

Perfectionism can also lead to procrastination, which we know isn’t a great productivity strategy. I’m sure you’ve been there before, endlessly proof reading emails before you hit send just to make sure you have the wording right.

Or getting stuck in that pattern of overthinking decisions on projects because you can’t decide what’s the perfect solution (or maybe there isn’t one).

So, you procrastinate, or take way longer than you need to on tasks because that inner perfectionist and inner critic wants it all to be done the right way. Sound familiar?

And all these mental habits that come with perfectionism take up your time and energy, leaving you feeling stretched thin, overwhelmed by everything on your never ending to-do list, and feeling like you’re not making progress towards your goals.

I’ve worked hard over the years to tame my inner perfectionist, which helped me react very differently when I fell recently compared to when I slipped all those years ago. Here are 3 strategies I use to help keep that perfectionism and overachieving in check, and actually get more done in my day.

Strategy #1

Give yourself time limits for tasks. Remember back in your university or college days when you had a final paper due at the end of the term, and you had months to work on it, but reliably you would start it a few days before, put in a couple of all-nighters, and get it done? Yeah me to.

Because when we have too much time, we tend to be less productive. Our brains need a little bit of motivation, of pressure. Check out episode 62 of the bold life to learn how a little bit of stress can make you more productive.

And when we have too much time, or endless time, that inner perfectionist tends to show up. Because I have all day to work on this report my brain can over analyze and obsess over every word. Re-read it a million times to make sure I have it just right.

It’s a good thing to want your work to have quality, but keep in mind what this decision means you’re giving up.

If you spend all day on one client project does that mean you’re falling behind on other projects? Or you’re not taking time for yourself like staying late at work and skipping breaks?

Setting limits on tasks will give your inner perfectionist less time to get in your way, and help you stay on track. I like to work in 60-90 minute chunks.

We know from a brain perspective this is the limit for how long we can stay focused on one task anyway. So I book 60-90 minutes for each task in my day. And I stick to it. I know I have to get that report done on time and that done is better than perfect.

Strategy #2

Start noticing that others make mistakes too, and normalize not being perfect. We all make mistakes. We all send emails or write reports with typos. We all slip and fall sometimes. We all say the wrong name or the wrong word. These mistakes are totally normal!

But right now that inner perfectionist is only focusing on your mistakes. Only seeing the times you mess up, and making you feel super bad about it. Start noticing when you see typos in other reports. We’re not trying to judge others here, but to get your brain to notice that it’s normal and okay to make mistakes. We’re way harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else.

And by noticing that everyone else messes up too, it can take away some of that pressure to be perfect.

And finally strategy #3

After you’ve noticed that others mess up too, get off the comparison train. This comparison game really drives perfectionism.

We see others around us that seem to have it all together. That seem to get so much done in their day. That person you’re friends with on social media that posts amazing pictures of her house decorated for the holidays, but your place looks like a tornado went through it after your kids or pets run through. Or that person that seems to have been promoted so much faster than you at work.

And then we get in our heads, right? Thinking we should be succeeding faster, or having magazine ready homes too, or be able to work out while we send emails and decorate a cake…okay I’m joking about the last one (don’t try that, our brains can’t multitask and you’re likely to end up with cake everywhere) but you’ve probably had similar thoughts right?

All those “shoulds” take up brain space, and drain your energy, motivation, and time! Instead, take a break from social media and give your brain a rest from the constant comparison. Maybe you have one day a week that’s social media free, or you set a time limit on your social (like 30 minutes every night - set an alarm because those aps can suck you in).

Back in episode 83 I shared how I’m curbing my social media habit with two jars and some paperclips, you can check it out if you need more ideas on how to get out of this comparison cycle.

Bonus Resource To Get More Done In Your Day

This episode is brought to you by my free daily productivity checklist. Ever wished you had more time in your day? This free workbook will walk you through the steps I use to set up my day to maximize productivity so you can get more done in your day (without feeling totally overwhelmed or staying up all night to squeeze it all in!) Download your copy of Your Daily Productivity checklist drnicolebyers.com/checklist

Which Strategy Will You Choose to Get More Done?

Perfectionism and holding yourself to super high standards seems like it would be a good strategy to help you reach your goals, but perfectionism has a downside.

It can leave you feeling overwhelmed, like there’s never enough time, and actually make you more prone to mistakes! Just like any of our mental habits, retraining your brain to have more realistic expectations of yourself takes time, but with some specific strategies you can get out of that mental habit and get more done in your day, with time and energy to spare.

Show Highlights

[01:37] Over the holidays we went to the Calgary Zoo Lights Festival and I landed flat on my back.

[03:32] Which reminded me of a time at university when something very similar happened.

[04:59] Perfectionism can make you less productive.

[06:39] It also leads to procrastination.

[07:56] Strategy number one to get more done as a perfectionist, give yourself time limits.

[09:45] Everyone makes mistakes. Notice them to normalize making mistakes.

[10:40] After you notice that others mess up too, get off the comparison train.

[12:42] Your quick episode recap.

Subscribe Today!

Apple Podcast

Spotify