57: How To Build Financial Confidence For Women with Deepa Ramachandran

If you’ve ever felt frustrated with your finances or stressed out about money…keep reading!

As they say, “money makes the world go round”, so it’s important to be on top of your game when it comes to finances. But the roadmap to riches is not always easy to follow. And your beliefs about money might be holding you back from success.

That’s why I asked certified public accountant and financial coach Deepa Ramachandran to come on The Bold Life Podcast this week to talk about all things money. Deepa started her own CPA firm 12 years ago in Chicago, with two clients and a big dream. Today, her practice serves over 1,300 clients!

In her financial coaching practice Deepa works primarily with female business owners who are looking to spend wisely, save smart, and grow their wealth. She helps female entrepreneurs take control of their businesses so they can create and live the life of their dreams.

Why finance? Deepa shared that she’s originally from India and in her culture if your family has established careers in a certain line of business it’s natural to follow in those footsteps. As Deepa grew up her family was always talking about finances, taxes, accounting, and money. When she was choosing her college major she naturally went in the direction of finances..

Early Messages About Money

Deepa explained that the way you’re taught about money growing up impacts how you understand and value finances throughout your life. Especially for women - we carry these early messages about money with us, while also being driven by expectations of being mothers, daughters, or wives (or all three!)

The reason men are more comfortable around money, according to Deepa, is they have centuries of history of being the bread winner. This also explains why women tend to be more uncomfortable talking about or handling money - they haven’t LEARNED these skills.

She had me speechless when I started thinking about how recently women started working and earning money. Think about your own family. Did your mom work? What about your grandma? Women have not had the same opportunity for generational learning like our dads and brothers when it comes to money management.

Overcoming outdated thought processes has been the biggest threat to women earning money according to Deepa.

In the old days (but remember, not that long ago), women had three job choices - midwives, house keepers, or ladies of the evening (prostitutes). Even worse, it was the generally accepted understanding that women should depend on men, and potentially their lives could be in danger if they were earning their own money. This led to the belief that women earning money was wrong, and even seen as dirty.

“So really, do you blame any woman that has money mindset issues?” Deepa says. It’s been a huge hill to climb.

Changing Your Mindset So You Can Keep Your Money In Your Pocket

Deepa asks two questions to new clients:

1. What was your family dynamic growing up?

When we grow up, we watch our parents. In Deepa’s experience, her mom was considered to be less than her father. “I did not want that for me. I wanted to make my own decisions about money” she says. She chose a partner in her husband who believes that she should not only have, but take advantage of, autonomy and independence for money decisions. And you should too!

2. How can you overcome your negative core beliefs and poor money mindset?

Especially if you didn’t grow up with the right messaging about money. We’ve all heard “money doesn’t grow on trees” or “you need a man in your life to help you manage money”. It’s important to identify, address, and overcome these negative beliefs regarding money so you can be more confident in handling your own finances.

The Uncomfortable Conversation

It’s usually when a woman embarks on a complex career or starts her own business that she realizes that she’s out of her comfort zone when it comes to money. She has to learn to..

Count it
Manage it
Save it
Spend it
Earn it
And invest it

But these areas can be tricky when you’re also battling your own negative mindset about money – that little voice in your head telling you that you have no idea what you’re doing. You might need help. And that’s okay.

Where do you go? An accountant? An accountant will count your money for you and fill out the forms, but your accountant is not going to challenge your financial beliefs.

The answer? A financial coach says Deepa. Someone who can lead that hard conversation about how you grew up, what you learned about money, and what set the tone for your relationship with money.

Some primary beliefs that Deepa hears from clients are:

“I’m not good enough”
“I don’t know how to do this”
“I feel stupid around money”
“I’m not good with numbers”
“I can’t seem to manage my money no matter what”

Sound familiar?

When we don’t feel confident about something it’s usually because we don’t have a lot of experience. Increase your experience = increase your confidence.

A Feeling-Based Approach to Finances

Men are wired differently than women (but you already knew this). Men are programmed in a way that they can remove themselves from emotion when making a decision according to Deepa. They look at numbers the way they look at sports statistics –analyze, make a decision, and move on.

Women are feeling driven. It’s tough to look at things analytically without attaching emotion to the decision. This isn’t a bad thing though, and it can actually be your power.

“As women, we should do money feeling-based” says Deepa. Ask yourself, “How do I feel about…

spending
earning
saving

By confronting your feelings about money, your entire mindset will shift.

Your First Date With Money

Deepa suggests this exercise: Imagine you’re going on a first date. Who’s the person sitting across from you? Money. Ask yourself these questions…

How do you feel about money?
What kind of relationship do you have with money?
Do you like money?
What do you think about spending?
Where do you spend, and do you think you spend too much?
How do you feel when you save versus when you spend?
Does saving, spending, or earning feel bad?

Then, take it one step further and ask: “How did my mom and dad do money?” Because that’s really where you’re going to learn about your money wounds.

Money wounds can come from what we saw growing up. For example, if your mom was a single mom and your dad was absent, you might not feel confident around money because you didn’t have a male figure to teach you (with their generations of experience), and your mom probably wasn’t earning or spending a bunch. So your money wounds are going to make you less confident with money, and maybe avoid it altogether.

Mom & Dad Taught Me

When I was growing up, my dad worked for the same company his entire career. He moved the whole way up with promotions and raises, but his message was always clear: You get a job, you work until you get a pension, and you save, save, save. Naturally, I now have beliefs that guide me towards saving, rather than spending. Having “fun” with money is not in my vocabulary…unless you count buying books for work a shopping spree.

“Money is not just about saving” says Deepa, there can also be a fun element to money too – spending it!

Think of it this way – A squirrel can fill their whole tree full of nuts but when they stand back and look at their savings the squirrel always thinks that there should be more. He’s never satisfied because it’s never enough. You might feel this way when looking at your 401k or your IRA; always feeling like you should be saving more. The danger is if you start to dread putting money into those accounts because you feel there’s none left over for you to enjoy. This lack of abundance can strain your relationship with saving.

“I’m not enough” is a common core belief for women it comes to money according to Deepa. By trying to pull yourself out of other people’s opinions of how you should live your life, Deepa highlights the importance of reflecting on how you want to live. That’s when you’ll be willing to put away less and enjoy your money more.

Believing that you need to achieve a certain dollar amount in your account to be happy or to feel secure will actually be one of your greatest let downs, because you’ll reach that number but you still won’t feel like it’s enough (like the squirrel). Not only will you reach that number, but surpass it, and it still won’t feel like enough.

Here’s Deepa’s advice. Once you know what your core belief wound is – which will always come down to some degree of not thinking you’re enough – the goal is to shift that core belief that is going to build your confidence when advocating for yourself about money. There’s an added bonus from making this shift in your mindset. You’ll also become less worried about pleasing other people.

When you move away from people pleasing and thinking you’re not enough you can step into your true value and have the confidence to put a price tag on your name and know that you are worth every cent.

Show Highlights

[03:00] How Deepa became a financial expert.

[05:53] Gender differences in how we view and manage money.

[07:40] Why women start with a deficit in financial knowledge

[09:05] Money beliefs are passed through generations.

[14:20] Making financial decisions - Is there a gender difference?

[19:06] Common stigmas around purchasing decisions.

[23:46] If you want to build wealth, reflect on your core belief around money.

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