137: Boost Your Momentum in 2023 with this Year End Strategy

Boost your momentum in 2023 with this year end strategy

Is it just me or does it sometimes feel like you’re stuck on a hamster wheel…working all the time but getting nowhere fast?

As a fellow high achiever with big goals, I’m no stranger to that ticking clock in the back of my mind.

Making me feel rushed and like I’m never making enough progress (no matter how hard I worked).

My daughter is 5 and she’s already started worrying about being late! And it got me thinking about the expectations we put on ourselves when it comes to time, productivity, and our goals.

Today we’ll dive deep into how our brains learn these standards and expectations in the first place, and 1 strategy you can start implementing today to stop feeling constantly behind.

How early do we learn time stress?

My 5 year old, Allison, likes to doddle. She’s inherited a bit of stubbornness from me and her dad, so she likes to do things on her own schedule.

The problem is her own schedule is SLOW. and so I end up prompting her multiple times to get stuff done.

Our mornings look a bit like this…

… I get up and start making as much noise as possible as I get ready and I turn on a bunch of lights in the hopes of waking her up (she’s like me and isn’t a morning person and it’s way easier if she wakes up on her own - then I can avoid the morning monster attitude).

But inevitably that doesn’t work. So I spend 10 minutes trying to wake her up, while she grumbles at me and says just a few more minutes (and yes I am already dreading her teenage years).

Finally I get her out of bed and it’s time to get dressed. She likes to pick out her own outfit and I’m trying to foster her own style and help her love her body as a future young woman so I try and be patient…but she stands in her closet and stares at her dresses, and gets distracted petting the cat, and grumbles a bunch more, and by that time my patients is wearing out.

So I ever so gently encourage her to move a bit faster because we have to get to school. And she inevitably yells at me for rushing her, we fight some more, she moves even slower, and this pattern continues for the next hour until we’re finally dressed, had breakfast, and are out the door.

Imagine my surprise last week when I finally get her to the car, we start to drive to school, and she asks if we’re going to be late.

Um whose kid are you? Now you’re worried about being late?

So I calmly explain that no mom leaves lots of time, even if traffic is backed up because of the blizzard of the week here in Calgary we’ll still get her there on time. And I leave it at that.

But the next day she’s worries about being late again (doesn’t make her move faster in the morning of course, but once she’s in the car she’s stressing about being late, especially if traffic is backed up)

And it got me thinking - Allison’s only 5 years old and already she’s internalized values and beliefs about hard work, punctuality, and time.

Some of that is a good thing - I want her to be respectful of others time (nothing drives me more crazy than that person who’s always late - we all have that friend or colleague right, who seems to operate on their own time and have no clue that others are constantly waiting).

But I’ve also been doing a lot of work on my own beliefs and values about success, time, and productivity over the past few years and it’s making me reflect on just how early we start to learn these beliefs that can lead to burnout for high achievers.

How our brains learn to feel stressed about time

Think about your typical day - how much time pressure do you feel?

Do you feel rushed in the morning like me trying to get everyone to school and work on time? When you get to work does it feel like there’s never enough time to get it all done. That to-do list keeps piling up and never seems to get any shorter.

But it’s not just the day to day where we feel that time stress right?

We also fall into the default of always feeling behind in life.

Like we should be farther along in our careers. Or we should have reached certain milestones in our relationships. Or we should be closer to our goals.

If that sounds familiar - don’t worry, it’s totally normal

Because our brains have learned values and beliefs about time, productivity, and success that keep us focused on where we feel we’re failing or not measuring up, and we don’t notice our successes. Let me explain.

Our brains are constantly learning. From a young age we’re learning how to understand the world from those around us. In our early years we learn from our family, then later from our friends, coaches, teachers, and even the media.

What we learn is that there’s a right way to be successful. In our western world that right way is driven by hustle culture. The beliefs that we need to hustle, to work all the time, and to be focused on doing more in order to achieve success.

The flip side of those beliefs? We feel lazy when we take a break. We worry about being behind. We are constantly focused on what’s next, which means our brains stay focused on our mistakes (where we feel we’ve messed up or failed) and how far we are from our goals

I read an interesting book by authors Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy called The Gap and The Gain. The authors argue that when we feel like we’re failing, that we’re not measuring up to these standards or ideals we’ve set for ourselves we’re stuck in a gap mindset. We’re judging ourselves from where we are to where we want to be.

The end result? We’re always focused on where we’re lacking. How far we have to go.

Instead they argue we should focus on the gain. The progress we’ve made from where we used to be to where we are now.

Here’s a more practical example. At the end of the day when you pull out your to-do list what do you focus on? Do you focus on all the stuff you didn’t check off (that’s the gap) or what you did finish (that’s the gain)?

We’re coming to the end of 2022. When you’re reflecting back on your year, where does your brain focus? On all the mistakes you’ve made. How much farther you thought you’d be this year (that’s the gap) or do you congratulate yourself on your wins. On the steps you did take (that’s the gain).

In terms of how our brains work this makes sense. Our brains are really good at focusing (yes even if you feel distracted all the time). But where they focus matters. If you’re focused on the gap, where you feel like you’re not measuring up. Then your brain will always feel behind.

But if you focus on your successes, remind your brain of those small victories, it can boost motivation, keep your momentum, and keep your brain on track for your goals (because our brains are way more motivated when they’re focused on our wins rather than all our mistakes).

Why it’s key to focus on your successes at the end of 2022

Here’s my challenge for you this week → Do a year end review and focus on the Gain. On your wins. Here’s how this works:

Write down your wins from this year. The things that went well. Projects you completed. Successes for your family. Strides you’ve made towards new hobbies or your health. Write down all those small victories.

By writing down those successes they’ll be more impactful for your brain. Plus once you get started you might be surprised how many more wins you notice.

It only takes a few minutes, but this shift to celebrating your successes (rather than reviewing the year and feeling like a failure because you didn’t achieve all your goals) will boost your momentum into the new year.

Episode bonus resources

This episode is brought to you by The Time Freedom Toolkit. This neuroscience-based productivity toolkit will help you focus your daily priorities, stay on track, and get more done every day … so you can actually enjoy the holidays (without that giant to-do list hanging over your head). All for just $27. Click here to learn more

Episode takeaways

Remember - our brains love to focus on the ways we feel like we’re failing. How we’re not measuring up. But that focus keeps us feeling constantly behind and rushing all the time. Start 2023 with a productivity focused mindset by celebrating your wins when you do your yearly review. You’ll boost your momentum and be more likely to achieve your 2023 goals.

Show Highlights

[03:22] - Is 5 too young to worry about being behind?

[04:35] - Think about your typical day. How much time pressure do you feel?

[05:32] - Our brains are constantly learning. We learn the “right way” to be successful.

[06:10] - We have learned these standards through hustle culture.

[06:47] - We focus on the gaps instead of the gain.

[07:49] - If you focus on the gap, your brain will always feel behind.

[08:26] - Write down all the wins of this year to help change your focus.

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