117: The Neuroscience of Self-Doubt and How to Learn Confidence

Welcome to this special podcast series I’m calling “the Neuroscience of success”. Each week I’ll be sharing a super cool neuroscience or psychology study, I’ll explain what we learned about our brains from these experiments and famous cases, and I’ll share how you can use these skills in your own life to build confidence, stop that nagging inner critic, get more done in your day, and reach your goals.

In today’s episode you’ll learn about the real life 10-second Tom - and how you can rewire your brain pathways to stop focusing on all your mistakes, and instead build confidence.

The story of Henry Molaison - the real-life 10-second Tom

When I first went to university, like a lot of 18-year-olds, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I spent my first two years of university taking required courses, and dabbling in some elective courses hoping something would catch my focus.

Thankfully I signed up for a class my third year called “introduction to human neuropsychology”. I’m pretty sure I only signed up because the title sounded cool, but looking back it’s still one of my favorite classes I’ve ever taken.

The professor was incredible (and I ended up following her around the university and volunteering in her research lab until I convinced her to supervise me for graduate school, but that’s a story for another day).

Each week the professor would start the class by telling a story of a famous case study. Usually where someone had had an accident or an injury that impacted their brain, and how these cases helped us understand the amazing ways our brains work (or don’t work so efficiently).

One of my favorite stories was of patient HM. He’s since passed away and we now know his name was Henry Molaison. Stick with me here, Herey’s story is the stuff movies are made of (if you’ve ever seen 50 First Dates Henry was a bit like 10 second Tom in real life), and it changed the way we understand the brain and memory

So the story of Henry Molason, patient HM.

Henry was a young man who had uncontrollable seizures from a young age. His doctors tried everything, lots of different medications to try and treat his seizures, but nothing worked. He was having seizures often and severe enough that it was really limiting his life and what he could do.

As a last ditch effort his medical team decided to try a new procedure called a bilateral temporal lobectomy. This means removing what’s called the temporal lobes from both sides of his brain. Your temporal lobes are just like they sound, right around your temples.

Keep in mind this happened in the 1950s, so 70 years ago, we’ve learned a lot about the brain since then, and we don’t do this surgery the same way anymore because of what we learned from Henry.

The doctors removed Henry’s temporal lobes,and in terms of his seizures, the surgery was a huge success. He was having way fewer and less severe seizures.

But, of course there’s a but or I wouldn't be talking about this case 70 years later right? After this surgery, Henry was unable to remember new events.

Anything that happened after his surgery he couldn't remember. His memory was pretty good for things that happened before his surgery, major world events, things that happened in his life. But for Henry, it was always 1953, before his surgery happened.

Like I said if you've seen 50 First Dates, Henry was a bit like 10 second Tom, out of sight out of mind, and henry would forget.

For example, he spent 50 years working with a brilliant Canadian named Dr Brenda milner, a pioneer in neuropsychology. Now Dr Milner is one of my personal heroes for many reasons. She was one of the first to study neuropsychology and to be interested in how changes in the brain, like cutting out big chunks, might impact our behaviour. And she was one of the only women in her field at the time. I saw her present a few years ago at a conference and she showed pictures of her time working with henry and surrounded by male drs. And hearing her speak I am not surprised she could hold her own, she’s a remarkable woman.

Anyway back to Henry. They take out his bilateral temporal lobes, his seizures get better, but Henry can’t remember anything new. He worked with Dr Milner for 50 years and never once remembered having met her. Each time she would come to work with him he introduced himself again, as if it was the first time they ever met.

But here’s the really interesting part of Henry's case.

Dr Milner had him do a number of puzzles and other tasks each time she came.
Even though he never remembered her or doing the tasks, he got better over time on these tasks.
His performance improved without any memory of doing the task.

Henry could learn without the parts of his brain that we know are needed to encode most memories. He couldn’t remember what year it was or who was president, but he got better with time on these tasks

What we learned from studying Henry is that there are different types of memory. One type is called explicit or declarative memory, that’s memory for things you consciously process or pay attention to like what you had for dinner last night, the name of your high school crush, the details of a big project you have on the go at work.

Another type of memory is implicit or nondeclarative memory. This is memory for actions and behaivours that are not conscious, it happens without us really thinking about it. Driving a car is probably part of your non-declarative memory now. When you first learned it was more effortful, but now you barely have to think to drive a car right? You just get in and go. Riding a bike is another example. Even if you haven't been on a bike in 20 years, you’d probably be able to ride one if you hopped on now. That knowledge is stored in your non-declarative memory.

How does this impact our confidence?

So why am I talking about Henry and memory? Because even for those of us who haven’t had part of our brains removed, the way our brains focus and store new memories impacts all aspects of our lives, including the development of our inner perfectionists. Let me explain.

Let me ask you this, if I asked you right now to list 5 mistakes you made this week… could you do it?

I can list mine off pretty easily.

I noticed a typo in a report after it had been sent to a client,
I had the wrong day open in my calendar one morning (I’m recording this after a long weekend so I gave myself some grace on that one),
I spent time searching for my phone after misplacing it for the 100th time,
and I’m sure you’re pretty quick to remind yourself of your own mistakes right?

Now how about 5 successes you had this week? 5 things you did well? Complements from colleagues, emails you sent without mistakes, projects you completed, things you checked off your to-do list. Was it harder to think of your wins? Don’t worry, that’s normal.

One of our brain’s memory habits is to focus on our mistakes. Your brain pays more attention to the things you do wrong, so you're more likely to remember them.

If you’ve ever laid in bed at night and your brain starts reminding you of that one embarrassing moment 20 years ago when you said the wrong thing at school, or messed up in front of all your friends, you know what I'm talking about.

Why our brains are so focused on our mistakes

Your brain focuses on mistakes to try and keep you safe, to prevent you from making the same mistakes again.

But memory is complex. And the more that we focus on mistakes, the more that reinforces those brain pathways, which makes them stronger, which means you’re more likely to notice (and actually make) more mistakes.

There’s a neuroscience principle coined by another Canadian neuroscientist, Dr. Daniel Hebb, which simplified = “cells that fire together, wire together”.

What that means is the more often the neurons, your brain cells, fire in sequence, the more that brain path is wired and strengthened.

Unfortunately, that means the more we focus on our mistakes, the more that brain path is strengthened, and it becomes harder to notice our successes.

Hence the development of that inner perfectionist, the one who’s super judgy, and is always criticizing you for messing up, holding yourself to crazy high standards, and who forgets to notice all the things you’re actually doing well.

The end result? We end up being so much harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else.

Here’s another question for you… what do you say to yourself when you mess up? Something like this… ugh i’m such a failure or a loser, i can’t believe i did that, i knew I wasn’t smart enough, or talented enough, or whatever enough…

But what if you saw a friend or a colleague make the same mistake. What if instead of you messing up that report, your work bestie messed up the report? Would you tell her she’s a loser and a failure, and tell her to give up she’s never going to be good enough? No of course you wouldn’t. But we tell ourselves these things all the time right?

We’re so much harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else. Especially if we tend to be a bit of a perfectionist or high achiever.

When we set high standards for ourselves it’s easy for our brains to fall into that default mental pathway, the one that’s been strengthened by years of practice, and focus on where we messed up, and to beat ourselves up.

Your weekly challenge - how to rewire your brain for confidence

So what can we do? How do we start rewiring some new pathways in our brains? Ones that are less focused on our mistakes, and more focused on our wins?

Remember, cells that fire together wire together, which is a complicated way of saying we practice.

We shift our attention to our wins, and the more we actively shift this focus, the more we will remember our successes, and the more likely we are to get out of that cycle of self-doubt and perfectionism.

Here’s my challenge to you this week…

Start rewiring your brain to focus on your wins, not your mistakes.
At the end of each day pull out a piece of paper (if you journal you can use your journal, or even write them in your daytimer).
I want you to write down 3 things you did well today. Three successes.
They don’t have to be huge. DId you finish a project that you’ve been procrastinating on forever? Did your boss say thanks for something you did? Did you make it to school drop off and work on time every day?

These things seem small, but each time you get your brain to focus on these small victories, you are rewiring those brain paths to notice more of your successes. And with repetition and practice, instead of being quick to judge yourself and focus on your wins, you’ll focus on your successes.

Episode bonus resources

This episode is brought to you by The Time Freedom Toolkit. Want to get your to-do list under control and actually get stuff done… without juggling a million things at once, having no clue where to start, and feeling busy all the time? This toolkit has 5 video lessons, 2 daily templates and one meditation exercise to help you ditch that overwhelming to-do list, stop procrastinating and putting things off until “tomorrow”, and have the confidence knowing you have the skills and strategies to get stuff done every day. All for just $27. You can learn more at drnicolebyers.com/toolkit

Remember - our brains are amazing. They can do incredible things. The trouble is some of those brain systems that were designed to help us, can get in our way. One of those systems that’s not so helpful is focusing on all your mistakes, and ignoring your wins. But because our brains are great at learning, you can start to shift this focus, and build your confidence.

Show Highlights

[0:00] – Welcome to the Neuroscience of Success series!

[1:36] – Nicole's experience when she first went to university

[2:40] – The story of Henry Molaison

[6:25] – What Henry's case has taught us about memory

[7:26] – What does Henry's case have to do with our self-doubt?

[9:28] – The “cells that fire together wire together” principle and what it means

[10:38] – Some of us tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others.

[11:58] – Nicole's challenge for us this week

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