110: Why Self-Care is MORE than Bubble Baths and Pedicures

Do you feel selfish when you rest or take a break? Don't worry my friend. You're not alone…

I surprised myself recently when my first thought upon hearing that someone else was taking a break wasn't what I expected. It made me take a hard look at what I believe it means to work hard or be successful.

In this episode I'll explain why you might have a hard time resting and why our current culture reinforces this belief. Plus → 1 strategy to get comfortable putting yourself first every once in a while.

What’s Your First Thought When You Take A Break?

Recently I was listening to another podcast and the host was telling a story about how one of her friends had taken the whole day to sit in a coffee shop and just read a book.

The host said her first reaction to this story was “oh that would be so boring”...

But my first thought was “oh that’s so selfish”...

That thought caught me by surprise, and made me stop in my tracks. Because you know I LOVE reading I would love to sit in a coffee shop and read all day.

So it got me thinking … where did that come from? If I love reading so much and I'm always preaching about taking care of our minds and bodies. Why was my first thought that taking a break is selfish?!

I know I’m not alone here. In our modern world where being busy is the norm, it’s a pretty common reaction. To feel selfish when you need a break Or to feel lazy when you sit down to rest or do something fun.

Why Do I Feel Lazy Taking a Break?

Part of the reason that it's really hard for us to relax or to take breaks is we live in a culture that has specific values about hard work.

For example, being being is one of our values right now. It's normal and valued to be busy.

How many times do you bump into someone on the street and you ask them how they're doing and they sigh and they say “oh busy”.

Busy is the new normal. And because of this, when we're not busy we feel like we're doing something wrong.

We’ve learned beliefs and values about what it means to work hard:

Working hard is being busy all the time
working hard is putting in super long super long hours
when you have 5 minutes of free time you better find something else on yourto-do list.

And we get into this cycle of being busy all the time.

So when we're not busy, when we sit down to rest for a little bit, it feels uncomfortable.

When You Check Off Your To-Do List, Do You Celebrate?

Let me ask you this… if you have one of those magical days where you check everything off your to do list… what do you do?

Do you sit and relax? Do you do something fun, maybe watch a show or read a book or do another hobby…

Or do you jump into your to do list for tomorrow? You say oh great I got everything done. let's keep working.

If you picked the second option - no worries, you’re not alone!

This happens because we've learned these values and beliefs. We have expectations for ourselves of what it means to work hard

When we've checked off that to do list, we feel this internal pressure to keep working rather than taking a break.

The end result is we end up being go go go all the time. You're constantly rushing from task to task. You finish 1 thing and you move right on to the next thing on your list. And when you have a moment of peace or a moment of relaxation you feel like you should be doing something else.

This means we get a lot done but this pattern can really take a toll on our minds and our bodies. Because our brains need rest and they also need to do things that fuel us up. Let me explain.

Why Self-Care Is Key To Getting Stuff Done

The popular impression is that when we're talking about self-care we mean things like bubble baths or a spa day. And those are super great things if you love bubble baths and going to the spa…

… but self-care is so much more.

True self-care = any activity that refuels your mental resources.

Anything that refuels your brain and your body and gives you energy. Where you feel rejuvenated and refreshed. T

It’'s important when we think about self-care to think about multiple areas including

What fuels your body?
What fuels you emotionally?
Psychologically, mentally?
Spiritually?

For example, organizing my schedule for the day could be self-care. It helps me stay on track. It reduces some of that overwhelm when I feel totally overloaded with everything on my to-do list. And it keeps my energy focused.

What fuels me up might not be what fuels you up. Sitting down and crocheting for an hour is really relaxing and refreshing for me. But other people might not like to crochet, that's cool.

Maybe for you, self-care is going outside and getting some fresh air, spending time with family and friends, or doing another hobby.

Why It’s So Hard to Put Ourselves First

Because self-care is given this bad reputation, we think self-care is selfish.

We think about going to that spa day and taking the whole day off. Or spending a whole day in a bookstore or a cafe reading. And it's pretty common to have those thoughts like I did. To feel selfish or lazy taking a break.

In our busy worlds where we value hard work = being busy all the time, we’re often quick to put ourselves last.We take care of everyone else, get everything else on that to-do list checked off, and forget to do those things that refuel our mind and bodies.

One thing I’ve noticed is there tend to be areas where we’re more comfortable with self care…

For example, we all know that exercise, eating healthy, and sleeping are important. So it's a little bit easier to prioritize those aspects of self-care.

It’s harder to make time for things that refuel your mind, body, and spirit.

Let me give you an example: I was talking to a coaching client a while back about scheduling time in her day for things that aren't just work. About committing time for things that fuel her up. And she said every Sunday she watches football with her college friends. It's been something she’s done since college. It's really important to her and she would never skip that unless she absolutely had. She always makes time for that Sunday football.

But she said if she is sitting at home in the evening reading and a friend calls and asks her to do something it's harder for her to say no. She's okay, saying no if someone tries to call her during a football game because that's priority time. But if she's doing something that her brain says is perhaps less valuable or more selfish like reading she feels that pressure to say yes

Once you dedicate time to refueling your mind and body whether it's hobbies, exercise, outdoor time, rest, or family time those doubts and beliefs are going to crop up.

Your brain is going to slip back into the default of feeling guilty taking a break. Pressuring yourself to do something “productive”...

Remember → when it comes to both our health and our productivity, it's important to do things in our day that aren't work or task related.

We can't be working all the time. Our brains weren’t designed to sit at a desk and work all day.

It's important that we do things that refuel our mind and body. We only have so much time and energy. And if we're doing things all day that drain those batteries that drain those resources, we're not refilling that mental, emotional, or spiritual physical cup and that can lead to burnout.

How I’ve Been Practicing Putting Myself First (at least sometimes)

I've been working on this a lot myself in the evenings.

What I used to do after I put my 4-year-old to bed was to spend an hour or so tidying up.

I'd make lunches for the next day
I'd do some dishes
I'd put away all her toys
then I was going to bed and feeling stressed because I was busy all the time and had no time to myself!

So I'm working really hard on letting some of that go. Working on not spending so much time tidying and doing the things that I feel like I “should” do.

Not putting so much pressure on myself, especially in the evenings, to feel busy and productive.

What I’m doing now is…

a quick tidy up after Allison goes to bed.
I make my lunch for the next day
but I am practicing getting comfortable leaving some of that clutter around because honestly if I clean up her toys every night she's gonna move more toys back there again in the morning anyway…
Because I don’t spend so much time tidying up…I can sit and do something that refuels my mind and body. Like working on a crochet projects or reading a book or even watching some TV

So I’m going to bed feeling more refreshed, and not stressing so much about all the stuff I didn’t get done.

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My Challenge To You…

Here's your challenge for this week

I want you to plan one self-care activity every day

It doesn't have to be a bubble bath or a spa day. It can be something small. Start with 10 to 15 minutes. Plan something that you like to do. Something that refills your batteries so you feel refreshed, relaxed and rejuvenated.

If you start to feel guilty… remember that’s NORMAL!

iYou're working to retrain your brain and to overcome beliefs and values about what it means to work hard and to be productive. Acknowledge that thought and put it to the side. Sometimes thoughts are just thoughts.

The more that you practice adding some of those self-care tasks, those energy rejuvenating activities, into your day the easier it will get!

Show Highlights

[01:33] I was recently listening to another podcast and it brought up some interesting emotions.

[02:57] It’s hard for us to relax because of the societal values we have cultivated.

[04:08] What do you do on those magical days when you get everything done early?

[05:29] Why you may sometimes feel off when people talk about self-care.

[07:02] The trouble with believing self-care means being selfish.

[09:47] Our brains were not designed to work all day.

[11:18] What I’m doing to prioritize time for recharging my batteries each day.

[12:52] Your challenge for this week.

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