73: Why You Need a To-Do List Detox with Murielle Marie

Are you a master to-do list maker? You may be good at making to-do lists, but how good are you at completing them?

Today on the Bold Life I’m joined by business coach Murielle Marie to talk about how to get out of the habit of relentless productivity and how to set goals for yourself – not goals we think we should have based on the expectations of others.

With 22 years of entrepreneurial experience, Murielle calls herself a Mentor to the Unconventional – and she’s a multi-passionate creative herself!

For the past seven years, she’s grown her online coaching business where she helps folks struggling with overwhelm, insecurity, perfectionism, and procrastination. She helps them transform their mindset and raise their confidence so they take action and achieve their dreams.

Helping people take charge and thrive as leaders is what makes Murielle get out of bed in the morning… But so does unravelling the mysteries of the universe, taking long walks around her neighbourhood, rocking Blondie t-shirts on TEDx stages, and visiting libraries around the world.

Chasing Inherited Dreams

When Murielle’s parents passed away 11 years ago, she had an eye-opening realization that she had been living in a world of what she “should” be doing. She was always pursuing her parents’ approval.

From her father she learned that being busy all the time translated into success. As Murielle followed in his footsteps, she fell into the habit of not giving herself time and space to figure out what she wanted to do for herself.

“We all inherit dreams that we think are ours, but they really aren’t. They’re internalized messages and pictures from what is around us”, Murielle explains.

Thinking “this is what I’m supposed to do” can trick your mind into thinking “this is what I want to do”, and all of the sudden you’re chasing someone else’s dream.

What does it take to snap out of it? A moment of ignition, Murielle says. An itch, a feeling, or a situation that makes you realize it’s time for change.

You Need to Have Courage in The Search of Your True Desire

When you get comfortable with following other people’s “should’s”, you start to lose a connection with yourself and your own dreams.

The thing is, those “should’s” don’t necessarily have to be said out loud. “Should’s” can be internalized and a standard that you set for yourself, by yourself.

In Murielle’s experience, she’s found that underneath those “should’s” is pain. Remember, our brain loves to be comfortable and avoid pain at all costs. But you need to be willing to get uncomfortable to change your behaviour.

It’s one thing to realize you’re unhappy with where you’re at, but it’s another thing to know where to go next. Murielle’s suggestion? Take a read through Wishcraft by Barbara Rosen. After Murielle finished the book, she knew for sure that she wanted to pursue coaching. And she never looked back.

There’s no road map that will take you to where you realize your own dreams. It takes work… a lot of it. Try this: instead of racking your brain trying to figure out what you do want, a good place to start is to figure out what you don’t want.

Relentless Productivity

Because we live in a culture where being busy is a badge of honour, it’s easy to confuse being productive with just being busy.

As a workaholic, you can fall in love with your to-do list. You’re always adding in more tasks and never checking enough off. You start out motivated and optimistic, but inevitably feel discouraged at the end of the day when there were things you didn’t cross off.

The good news is the problem isn’t you! The problem is with your to-do list that isn’t humanly possible to complete in one day. Of course you don’t blame the list, you blame yourself – and that’s a habit you need to break.

Murielle suggests a to-do list diet. For a couple days, you’re not allowed to put anything new on your to-do list. For my fellow recovering perfectionists, this might sound crazy – but bare with us. Once you’ve completed a few days with no new tasks on your list (and hopefully instead you’ve been crossing some off!) then you can start to add new tasks but limiting yourself to only one or two new ones.

Oh, and PS – your one or two new tasks are supposed to be small. Re-organizing the entire garage for example, is not the point here. The point is to have a few small tasks on your list that you can actually get done in one day.

Another benefit of keeping your to-do list small: the satisfaction of having a totally completed checklist. Euphoria.

Instead of setting yourself up for failure by overwhelming every minute of your day with items on your to-do list (because we know this will inevitably lead to feeling like a failure), keep your list small and do-able.

When Murielle’s clients tried the to-do list diet they reported feeling a renewed sense of energy at the end of the day when they were satisfied with their to-do list being complete. They could relax in the feeling of done-ness.

The most interesting part is that when her clients felt this renewed sense of energy after completing their list, although Murielle’s clients had to option to relax and call it day, they actually started working on other projects that had been hard to start before.

Why? A sense of freedom, Murielle explains. No one was forcing them to do it, and they felt motivated by their day of checking off tasks.

Murielle’s Book Suggestion

Well… two suggestions!

1. Mazel Tov by JS Margot

It’s a story of when the author was a nanny for an orthodox Jewish family. Murielle explains that it’s a beautiful story of friendship, love, and people coming together over generations and cultures.

2. Addiction, Attachment, Trauma, and Recovery by Oliver Morgan

Murielle loves this book because the author speaks to the point that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it’s connection. Not only can addiction be drug and alcohol, but addictions can also involve work, food, shopping. They are coping mechanisms for the hamster wheel of productivity and the expectation to always be busy.

Wanna Learn More?

If you want to learn more from Murielle, you can find all the info at www.muriellemarie.com. (Hint: She had a free printable workbook to help you with your creative perfectionism!)

You can also find her on Instagram: @muriellemarie

Show Highlights

[02:28] How Murielle became a business coach and her entrepreneurial background.

[04:12] In her past, she did things that she thought she should be doing.

[06:07] When Murielle found out that she wasn’t doing things for herself and decided to change the direction of her life.

[10:00] How to look for what you really want out of life.

[15:30] Figuring out what you do and don’t want when you transition.

[21:59] Why the problem isn’t us when we don’t finish a big to-do list.

[25:27] Creating realistic to-do lists for your day.

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