69: Why the Secret to Success Isn't Glamerous

Some people are so successful and seem like they can overcome any obstacle.

But others never seem to reach their potential.

There’s a long debate over how much of our success is innate (maybe she’s born with it) and how much of our success is earned (through blood, sweat, and tears).

Today on The Bold Life I’ll explain why - when it comes to success – grit might matter more than your talent. Don’t worry, this is a good thing! Grit and perseverance are skills you can learn. And I’ll show you how.

How to Use the Power of Your Mind To Control Your Success

One of my favorite stories of all time that shows how we can build mental strength comes from the 1996 Olympic.

The US women’s gymnastics team was up for their last event – the vault.

And the last competitor for the US team was a pintsized powerhouse named Kerri Strug. Not only was she the last competitor, but the previous two US team members had fallen and scored low. This meant that Kerri would have to nail her performance to win the team gold.

On her first attempt, Kerri sprinted down the runway, launched herself in the air, flipped and twisted, and then… fell.

And something was wrong. She was clearly in pain as she limped towards her coach. I remember watching this on TV and you could see her shake her head to her coach and say “I can’t do this”, but he encouraged her to try again. If she did well on her second attempt, the US team could still win gold.

She limped back to the start of the mat
Took a deep breath
Ran and launched herself
Twisted and flipped
Landed with basically one leg – but a successful landing
Saluted the judges
…And then she collapsed.

It turned out she had torn a bunch of ligaments in her leg. But she did it. She had won gold for her team. Even though she had to get carried to the podium.

How did she do it?

Kerri was able to do this because high level athletes don’t just train their bodies. They also train their minds.

How to Build Perseverance and Grit

I recently read the book Grit by Angela Duckworth. She’s a psychologist who explains “grit” as a combination of passion and perseverance for a single important goal.

Angela did her research on students at West Point – a very prestigious military school in the US. To be admitted to the school you must have the best grades, incredible SAT scores, and pass a rigorous physical exam. You have to be the best of the best when it comes to your physical and mental state.

They only take the best, but not everyone is successful in this program. In fact, many aren’t successful.

At West Point, one in five students drop out before they graduate. A good chunk of those dropouts happened at the first training program, appropriately named “the Beast”.

Angela Duckworth researched what predicted who was more likely to drop out.

It wasn’t:

Grades
SAT scores
Physical fitness

What it was:

Grit

To measure this, she created a grit scale to see how much stick-to-it-ness that students had. She asked them questions like:

“I often set a goal, but later choose to pursue a different one”
“I’m diligent, I never give up”
“I finish whatever I begin”

(You can see your grit score on her website here )

Another researcher that I admire who speaks to something similar is Carol Dweck, author of the book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

Carol was the first person to research growth mindset versus fixed mindset. She found that the difference between the two was a matter of how you view yourself.

If you have a fixed mindset – you view your traits or qualities as stable. You’re either smart or not, you’re creative or not. It’s really focused on the talent component (that you’re born with).

If you have a growth mindset – you see your traits as something you can change or something you can learn. Knowing that you can get more intelligent or more creative if you put in the work and learn.

Your mindset makes a huge difference on how you view failure.

With a fixed mindset failure is personal: “I’m a failure”.

With a growth mindset, failure is just something that happens: “I failed”. This means that you’re more likely to see it as a learning opportunity.

What Does This Have To Do With Grit?

In part of her research, Carol Dweck divided kids into two groups and they solved math problems.

In group one, no matter how well the students did, they received praise for the answers they got right.
In group two, they were occasionally told that they didn’t solve enough problems and that they needed to try harder.
In the next part of the study, all the kids were given a combination of easy and difficult problems.
What did they find?
The kids that were in the group who received praise were just as quick to give up on the tough problems as they were before.
The kids who were told they needed to try harder were more likely to persevere and try longer. What they had learned was to interpret failure as a cue to try harder. They had learned a growth mindset!

With their similar theories and ideas, Carol Dweck and Angela Duckworth did a study together where they asked 2000 high school students to fill out a growth mindset questionnaire and the grit scale.

What they found was that students with growth mindset were also grittier. These students had higher grades after the gradated and were more likely to get through college.

Believing you can change = you’re more likely to try again after you fail = you keep improving.

Angela Duckworth then followed these kids in her study through college. She found that after two years, only 34% of them were still in college. The rest had dropped out.

She found again that grit predicted success.

Those students who stuck to their extracurriculars for at least two years in high school were more likely to graduate college than those who didn’t.

What does this mean?

Find something that’s hard to do (and stick to it for at least two years).

Bonus – sticking to a new skill for longer will also help build your confidence too!

Here’s The Hard Part

Grit is not glamorous.

Although your brain wants all the glory of success right now, it’s going to take time to get there. And your brain isn’t so good at thinking long term.

It’s hard to work on one task for years with limited progress. It takes effort! Your brain wants to have all the wins right now, not later.

How To Build Grit

1. Find a grit buddy: It’s easier to find the motivation to keep doing hard things and stick to it overtime if you’re not working at it alone.

When we spend time with people who

Are working on long term goals
Do hard things everyday
Have high grit scores
Stick to a passion or goal for a long time

… their grit is going to rub off on you! Your brain learns from the people you spend the most time with.

If you don’t have people in your life at this moment who you feel would be a good grit buddy – seek out a new one! Read books or watch movies about people who are gritty, find a group online, or find other ways to find these people

2. Make it a habit: That goal you’re building this grit for needs to be scheduled in so you can make it a habit!

There are tons of great resources for changing and learning habits. For a couple tips, you can check out episode #26 of The Bold Life podcast where I talk about why it’s so easy to learn bad habits.

If you want to make grit a new habit, link that grit to something you already do.

Once your brain has a habit, it’s actually hard to break.

Pick a time, commit to the activity, and do it (even on the days that you don’t want to). That’s how you’ll build grit.

3. Pick something you’re interested in: It’s true that the more you practice something, the better you will get and your interest will grow.

But it also helps to pick something that’s hard but you’re still interested in.

If you’re trying to pick a goal so you can start to build your perseverance and grit – make sure you pick something you like! It will be much easier for your brain to get on track with that new habit and keep working towards your goal.

Your Next Steps

Your level of grit is something you can learn. This is important because it can impact your success.

Start building your grit today by committing to one hard thing you’re going to do and stick to it. One goal that you’re going to do every day – even when it’s hard.

Building your persistence and your ability to stick to one commitment will help you reach all of your long term goals.

Wanna learn more?

To learn more about changing habits and building grit, check out my free workbook “How to change any habit” – I’ll walk through the mental shift you need to make to get your brain out of your old habits and start moving towards your goals. You can get your copy at www.drnicolebyers.com/habits

Show Highlights

[01:09] How much of our success is innate or earned?

[02:42] Kerrie Strug and her amazing vault on her injured ankle.

[06:30] Angela Duckworth’s study on grit and how it affects success.

[09:08] Growth versus fixed mindset and how your mindset affects your success in life.

[12:20] Why you don’t have to be born with grit, grit can be learned.

[15:17] Grit isn’t glamorous and takes time to develop.

[17:15] Why you want a grit accountability buddy!

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